The Journey is Getting Scary.
Hello everyone I wanted to share how I'm been doing.
So my threapy session have been doing good as I have started DBT and mindfulness homework of the "how" and "what" skills like observe and efficiently skills of mindfulness. It has been helping but through my homework. I still have struggle with the logic and emotion mind. Like after what happened to me. My emotional side is saying "we got to go after the guy who ruined my life and curse at the people who turned on me" but logical is like "will the anger heal us? If I attack the people who used to be my friend... it may not be good." With so much it feels like it been getting heavy to do some stuff (play ff14, pso2, etc.) I am still hurting... but I feel lonely even with my family and even if I leave my old friends and make new ones... it just feel like im stuck in a replay and I'll endure other illusion... so im like 50/50 and the journey is now getting more scary and idk if I can keep going...
@Vivikun9
That sounds really challenging. It sounds like maybe the goal is to find more of a wise mind space to respond to the world around you and that can be really hard when you're stuck still reliving the memories.
The important thing to remember is not to make your emotions "bad" or "wrong". You feel what you feel and what you feel is valid. Where we get in trouble a lot is that our actions aren't always the most helpful and/or get us in trouble at times.
I have something that happened earlier this year that I struggle to find a wise mind place to come from because I'm still hurt and frustrated and it's keeping me from moving forward. I get so angry at the person who caused me harm and ruined a lot of things in my life. When I do that, I try to think of how I could hold the person accountable without making things worse. It's really hard because the anger makes me want to lash out and when I have to deal with anything related to the incident I start to go into my trauma brain thoughts and it gets really hard.
I started DBT in 2012 and it took a long time to really master the skills, but they really have helped in some ways. Though I've had some not-so-great DBT therapists. The skills are helpful and a good therapist helps also.
@InvaderStitch
*hugs* it does feel hard sometimes. Like with my abuser in my head... I just feel angry almost some parts of the day. My friends who left me... that really broke my heart as I want to call out there bs and stuff n I just don't know if there anything to hold them accountable or even let me speak... the therapist im with uses some DBT but not the whole set. I'm sorry you not a good experience in the therapist in DBT
@Vivikun9
Anger is understandable, and so is wanting to hold the friends accountable for leaving. It sounds like a really tough situation and friends should not have let it happen! Have you talked to your therapist about how you feel about the friends that left? Maybe they could help you figure out how to talk to them, or find resolution either with the people or with yourself.
I was abused in a hospital last year and the person has caused so much damage to my life since April and it's been awful. I want that person to be held accountable for what they did, and when I get fixated on that it's hard to focus on anything else, but I also believe in justice and so I have to find this balance that allows me to function, but also trying to find steps of how to hold the person (and the hospital) accountable for letting it happen.
@InvaderStitch
Me and my theripist are going over my emotions and we have chatted about it on how I feel. I need to feel my emotions and focus on me. It's hard to say what will happen from 1, 5, or 10 years from now if they change there Minda or stay with that thinking. But im working on mindfulness and observing my emotions
@Vivikun9
That sounds like an awesome plan! Being present and feeling emotions can SUCK, but it's so necessary. I'm glad you have a therapist working with you on that. :)
