Trauma Causing Mental Fatigue & Perpetual Physical Pain
Everyday, damaged caused by my trauma has been making me both mentally and physically weaker... the physical pain caused by the trauma is making me have errant and despondent thoughts... I want to give up sometimes, but I can't since I have a little one and a partner... it just makes me more depressed that I'm stuck with this mind and stuck with this body that's in constant pain.
I went to the emergency room yesterday due to sharp pain felt through my chest and ribs, but nothing could be found. I've completed a regular chest scan — nothing there... I have an order for a x-ray on the spine, however, I think a computerized tomography scan or a magnetic resonance imaging scan would be better instead of an x-ray...
I'm tired of waking up nauseous in the morning and feeling a sharp pain in my chest.
I'm tired of cramps and my entire back and neck hurting.
I'm tired of my left side of the body being weaker due to a certain traumatic event which ruined the strength I had left.
Im tired of being bedridden and having to stuff myself full of over the counter pills until I'm healed.... I'm hoping with the new medication that my new doctor prescribed, that it will work... I have to go pick it up eventually, just not feeling well enough too, ironically... the first doctor I had didn't even check me thoroughly and sent a referral to go to physical therapy and behavioural therapy.... overtime when I was doing physical therapy, I think I've been damaging my body unintentionally. Slowly, I have been unable to do the exercises anymore and feel more pain.
I feel tired re-explaining the traumatic events to the doctors on what I went through that caused this pain. To put it briefly, one event was when I got hit by a car while walking the intersection when I had the right-of-way...another was when (TRIGGER WARNING - DOMESTIC ABUSE) my ex-fiancé nearly strangled me to death and slammed me several times again the ground while I fought his grasp and nearly blacked out... him cutting the oxygen off in my brain could have caused brain damaged as well... there were a few other minor incidents, but I would say those are the major ones...? Maybe.
I just hate existing sometimes but have to fight those thoughts daily and keep trying... Im going to see if the prescription works. Im going to get the x-ray then request the CT & MRI scans.
There's some other issues I'm dealing with apart from that, but maybe for another time and another post.
@ImpudentIncognito I definitely can relate to every word. The frustration of looking at the doctors with physical pain and feeling you are dying for them to say: you are ok or this is anxiety. It's been a year for me and I still don't have a diagnosis, I only can tell you every feeling, every sharp pain, every nausea that you are experiencing now is pretty much real, our physical body needs to take the weight of the emotions from our spiritual one and can only process it with pain. Don't leave anyone tell you the opposite, instead of it, look at your body in the mirror and say: thank you because it is helping you and taking the lead while your mind, soul and spirit are healing. Sending you hugs
@Grey2124 Thank you for your kind words. When I initially wrote this post, I felt my future was bleak...Currently, I'm trying to convince my doctor to allow for an MRI scan and a CT scan in case the x-rays don't catch anything. I also requested a disabilities letter as well, to help with the work issue. I don't want to work a job, and have to leave once I'm in critical condition and job hop for that reason. At most, I can only do part-time jobs, and preferably remote but... If I'm bedridden, there's not too much I can do. :( Anyhow, I'm hoping to figure out the exact cause, if I can't, I'll just find another doctor or keep pushing to get the help I need.
@Grey2124 Also wanted to add that it bites that doctors could not find a diagnoses for you yet... I hope someone is able to help you to figure out the source of the pain. My partner used to be in the medical field, and he recommended I push the doctors for the MRI & CT scans, or find another doctor until they find out what's wrong with me. He also recommended to possibly sue my prior doctor for doing no check-up at ALL... I was going to wait and see if the MRI or CT or any of the x-rays find anything in my system first...