Trauma in childhood still effecting me
A little of my background. I'm a male, 46, been married twice. I feel my last has effected my marriages and is keeping me from finding a meaningful relationship.
I was raped when I was 5 by a teenage boy.
I had a stepmom who physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually abused me when I was in the third grade.
I also had a stepfather who used to physically abuse my mom and I went through some verbal and emotional abuse with him
I've been through therapy, though it took me till I was 41 to get it.
I don't know, I just feel like even with that I just can't seem to get my life together. My last girlfriend broke with me and said it was because I was distant and non affectionate. I was working 14 hours a day and exhausted so I'm not sure if it was my past or that job, however having been through two marriages and several relationships I have to wonder if what she said is true or not.
@wanderingmess77 14 hours a day😱 it's so sad to hear that people have to work long hours like that😞 trauma yeah can be hard to have relationships after wards. Emotionally and physical relationships are not exactly gonna be easy on you unfortunately😞 but I tell you what, your much braver than I could ever be, I'm never gonna have a relationship. But if that's something that you want, well there's plenty of time sweetie ❤I'm still trying to figure out how to get through this whole trauma thing too.your not alone in this, we are all here for you ❤gives you a giant festive tiny hug ❤❤ everything will be ok ❤
@wanderingmess77
Hello, I just wanted to reach out and say that I'm so sorry to hear that you have undergone such painful experiences in your life. It sounds like you were sexually abused and emotionally hurt by multiple people growing up and witnessed people very close to you also being abused; things like these create deep scars and often stay with you as you grow up. Abuse is deep and doesn't just go away with time and can be still haunting even though the years ago that it happened increases; I'm glad that you eventually received therapy and hope that it has been helping you.
I also want to acknowledge that there is an extra layer of complexity when a man faces sexual abuse; sexual abuse against men often goes unrecognized, and it can make it harder for male survivors of SA to open up or be able to receive help for what happened to them from family and friends and mental health professionals. So I truly feel for you and hope you have found people you trust in your daily life who you can confide in.
Undergoing abuse also makes it very hard to develop trust and intimacy with others. It sounds like your last girlfriend broke up with you because you were distant and struggled to show affection to her. I wouldn't be surprised if it's both your past trauma and the stress from your job. Trauma can make it harder to trust others--and make your "default" be to be less intimate with others because your body and mind unconsciously and consciously remember the pain that happened to you and may associate other people with the potential for pain and hurt. It takes a lot of energy to tackle and push back against the "default" trauma behaviors, so I wouldn't be surprised if the exhaustion only compounded your struggle to show affection to your last girlfriend.
This is not to blame you or anything for your most recent relationship ending; you've been through a lot, and perhaps you need more time and energy for yourself to heal and work on addressing the trauma you have faced throughout your life. You deserve to be happy, and after you being through two marriages and several relationships, it doesn't mean things are over or you can't find someone else. You can still develop a meaningful relationship, one where you feel more comfortable opening up and being intimate, and I sincerely hope you have been doing okay these days and am wishing you the best.
@wanderingmess77 Hey! I'm really sorry about that. I want you to know that your journey has been recognized and that your strength in facing it is commendable. If this problem does get better, I hope that you consider seeking therapy to navigate and heal from its lingering impacts. Remember to surround yourself with supportive friends who understand your problems and can provide the compassion you deserve. Always be patient with yourself, never blame yourself, engage in activities that bring you joy and remember that you path to healing is unique and can be different than others. You are not alone and thank you for having the courage to speak out to others. :) 🤗
