Trust
Losing trust again in myself and others. It feels terrifying running and have no where to turn to, it's like a bad dream I just want to wake up from.
@TheSunIsUpTheSkyIsBlue Those are two really good analogies...that if you can't trust, you feel like you can never rest. And that when patterns keep repeating, it feels like being stuck in a loop or dream.
I think the trickiest thing about trauma is that it's like a projection from our past onto our present. And that makes it so hard to navigate what's happening right now! Like, what part of this is just fear because I THINK things from the past are happening again but they're not, what part of this is me picking people who aren't trustworthy again?
I want to give up.
I continue to feel this way and wish I had more safe supports to lean on.
@TheSunIsUpTheSkyIsBlue
I can't help but notice your other follow-up posts. I'm sad to hear that you have been feeling this way; it sounds like you've had a lot of difficult experiences in your life, so I can see why you feel you want to give up. I'm rooting for you though and hope things look up for you.
@PeacePink thank you, your support and thoughtful replies make me feel seen and heard in a way that brings me some comfort and relief, despite such ongoing challenges. Thank you for rooting for me, it really means a lot to me.
@TheSunIsUpTheSkyIsBlue
It's nice to hear back from you. It's true that words and thoughts are powerful; they dictate how you feel about yourself and relate to people around you. Life can be hard, and when you've dealt with difficult challenges, it can be hard to trust your own instincts. In a way, they can be wrong because we often anticipate something bad happening more likely than it actually will happen, especially when bad things have happened in the past to us. And then when something bad happens, it can't help be a confirmation bias that life must have been out to get you. It's true life is hard, harder for others and easier for others, and that's why it's so important that people see and hear you out. Because your experiences do matter. I'm glad that my previous reply was meaningful to you, and hope this one also has a place in your heart too.
@TheSunIsUpTheSkyIsBlue
I appreciate you sharing your personal feelings with us. Trust is hard; when you've dealt with and suffered a lot, sometimes you don't know where to go and who you can talk to for help. There are people out there who care about you though, and perhaps the bad dream can one day become something better, a dream or future you can look forward to. I'm wishing you the best and hope you're doing well these days.
I know my words are powerful and so I am scared when I am constantly thinking: I don't trust any of this. I don't trust this process. I don't trust life. I don't know if I trust what life is said to be about.
