Utterly lost.
So I'm what now? Fifteen? Why do I feel otherwise. I mean,I don't feel any different than I did when I was 11 or 12 and especially 13. It just feels all the same. It's like nothing in my life ever changes or ever will change. It's like I'm going to keep staying up all night doing absolutely nothing other than think about how horrible my life is. I know I need help. But I know I can't get it. Do I even deserve it?
@anonyHuman2290
🥺
You do deserve it.
It can change.
It does get better.
Perhaps at night listen to music rather than negative self thoughts that only cause pain.
Set a more regular routine.
Do something different to allow you to feel better in yourself.
You deserve to be happy.
Don't think otherwise 💜💕
@Amand84
I'm not so sure about that. But I'll take up your advice and keep myself busy at night. About setting a more regular routine, who knows? A regular routine may have added to my current state.
@anonyHuman2290
I Think a regular lack of routine might have added to it 🥺💜
Who knows? Anyways, thanks for the advice and for actually caring to read me vent about nothing relevant.
As I was reading your words,
I honestly felt and remembered myself right away,
I have suffered, deeply, in my childhood, I have loved and lost, I have lost everything i needed before even I realised it's existence.
And here I am, restless wide opened eyes gazing at my utterly painful past at midnight. And exactly as you feel, the pain doesn't change, year after year, it's the same pain, same brain, same suffer and hurt.
I have lost someone whom I loved, and left with my own will.
I Ieft him for his own good, yet it burns my heart each passing moment I think of him..
@Forgotten0000
I'm both glad and unhappy that I have someone who feels what I feel every single day and night.
I haven't lost a lot of people, but the people I did lose meant the world to me and I guess I foolish to think that I meant the same.
If the pain doesn't change nor gets better, then what's the point of living?
Perspective. Try a positive outlook. I stay up all night sometimes too, have a good cry and then try and look for something to go on. Friends? Family that you like? Games? Tv shows? Anything that can help you through that night.
You said you need help but cannot get it. Do you attend school? Can you meet with the counselor there? They can be very resourceful and help you.
I hope things turn around for you.
@emotionalMama85
Thanks for the advice, but I have no friends nor family to depend on about my issues. I also have no game nor TV show that interests me anymore. Nothing gets me through the night.
I attend school, but my school doesn't have a counselor of sny kind. Anyways, it's not like I deserve it.
