Venting

Tw: Emotionally unavailable mother/Narc father/ Trauma/Major abuse/ Possible Misdiagnosis

Now that I have made the trigger warning🤗. If this post causes too much discomfortable please scroll past you do not have to read it 💙.

When I was a child, both my parents started off good or that is what I at least tell myself because a lot of my "good" memories have been suppressed. Due to the copious amounts of abuse that I had undergone, from having my Narc father pushing me into walls, screaming in my face, or slapping me across the face. I had no true genuine way to protect myself from him, because my room door would always be made to be open. I would also have to change with it open as well. Disclaimer: my bedroom door was adjacent to the front door so anyone could see what I was changing into. My mom was no better she has maniac bipolar disorder and she can very scary when she is having one of her episodes. I recall a few times that she would barge into my room, slam my door shut, calling me very vulgar names, trying to rip things out of my hands, grabbing my clothes that she would rip them off of my skin.. The problem is that their disorders and traumas would consume me because they used me as a guidance counselor for one another when they would become unfaithful to one another. Which would always cause me more distress, because I also had to take care of my sister.
They really didn't do much for us, aside show off our "family vacations" because we were such a "happy" bunch. I started to become aware of how bad both my parents were and wanted to do nothing with them, they would start grounding me for that. If I would defend myself against the abuse they would ground me for that too. I recently discovered that my diagnosis from therapist were false because I was never given a true opportunity to really express my emotions or feelings, my mom was slick enough to make them family sessions and would always talk over me or talk for me. Which would then also cause more problems for me because I would always be taking medications for things I did not have.

My mom recently wanted to talk about all of this and honestly I don't have anything to say to her anymore, because after being her on 7cups for so long, taking the proper steps of healing and recovering, I noticed all of the things that were told to me about my adhd, austism, and other things were forms of gaslighting, because her nor my father wanted to deal with someone on the spectrum. So Instead of helping me find ways to cope with everything, they found ways to silence me and keep quiet. I don't speak to my father because I have nothing to say to him either. Both of the people that were here to help guide and raise me didn't do anything but make me worse and therefore trickled into my love life.

I was only going off of what i was being taught, as I grew older I realized that alot of people didn't see me for me nor did they try too. Hardly anyone gave me the time of day unless it was for things that were inappropriate and gratification for themselves. Ever since being on here I started to see what my support system that I have now has been saying as well as my fiance. I am nothing like my parents, my heart is full of love even though it was mistreated by many, and that I am a very caring, compassionate and loving individual.