Venting.
Tw : breakups/ sh
Had a tough day. Thought I would put out my thoughts somewhere before I sleep. This would probably be a letter for the people who have hurt me and for myself. I apologise to whoever reads it as my thoughts can get mixed sometimes.
To the people I loved,
There are days when I question myself. Question if my love should be contained or I should let it flow. There are days when I want to take away my heart from myself. I don't remember the last time I talked without a fear in the back of my mind. A fear of being abandoned by you and a fear of being abandoned by myself. There are days when I have to shush my inner child to keep her safe and I hate those days. When I know the world is a cruel place for the small girl who believed in the good in people. You turned every thought of hers in a fear. Fear of people, fear of situations, fear of taking her own decisions...every step forward made her question herself a little more. Whenever she chose someone, that person reminded her that she's better hidden. And now, she doesn't know who she is anymore. Everything scares her.
Living in a fear is scary. You can't take a step forward but you know that taking a step backwards won't change anything either. Even when I ask for help, thinking about you scares me. It makes me think what if they get tired of me too? What if they leave me saying the same things? I regret being too much. Saying too much. Being myself and what not. Why? Because you made me feel so. You made me hate myself. I already did before but I was trying so hard. Why my efforts never mattered? Because I thought so? Not always. I was trying to believe in myself but you made me feel it meant nothing. I thought everything would be okay...for some moments but all my fears came true. They always do.
There are times when I convince myself that the presence of people is anyways temporary. When I convince myself that the problem is me and I've to heal. But then why I've to heal myself if I didn't do this to myself first? I only loved people and trusted them. Is it that bad? That wrong?
Taking care of yourself is important but why I can't just feel safe sometimes...a lot of thoughts. Maybe next time (:
Right now all I need is a hug from my teddy. At least he will be here.
Bye bye!
Thank you for reading if you did.
@Stormandshelter
Reading this made me feel less alone, knowing that someone has my same exact thoughts makes me feel less crazy. Can i also talk about how your literally a poet like damn you write so nice lmaoo. Anyways thank you for sharing these thoughts. These rough times will pass and we will move ahead from our mess, we js needa keep moving forward. Take it day by day. See it as if your at the beach, and your walking on the nice warm sand. You look back to see each step you take, each footprint, and realize how far youve come. Those footprints show you that you can move on. Keep walking forward until you reach that warm water. Everything will be okay. I send hugsss.
I'm glad you could relate to my words. Hugs back!
Haha not a poet for sure but would love to. I often struggle to find the right words.
I hope they do. We all feel tired sometimes..
I hope you get through this all too✨
@ambitiouslimeraray221
Hey, hope you're doing better
Need some modivation mane, dont kno if I can stay here much longer
@ambitiouslimeraray221 gives you a giant festive tiny hug ❤❤squeezes you tightly
I can relate..
@Stormandshelter hugs you tightly ❤ and hugs younger you too ❤ I also live in fear, but for different reasons, so I can sorta understand. I just wanted to let you know, please never give up on people, and never give up on your self. The world needs good people like you, and I believe there is more good in the world than there will ever be bad. I hope you sleep well and feel a little better in the morning ❤ goodnight sweetheart ❤
Thank you❤️