What’s going on?
I am a child sexual abuse survivor, and then as an adult I was in a domestic abuse relationship until 3 years ago. This domestic abuse included sexual, mental and physical abuse.
I have been with a wonderful man for about 18 months now, he’s caring and understanding and just perfect. He knows my past, and is very supportive.
sex is usually great, but the last week or so, I have found myself having flashbacks during sex, and completely zoning out. My partner is great at sensing how I’m feeling and will instantly stop ans just hold me, or leave me if that’s what I need, however I don’t understand why it’s happening, and I really want it to stop. Any advice?
@amiableSpring1507
Have you had counseling or therapy to work on feelings you had about all of that... ?
I am one of those who think i can do it all myself read articles talk to close friend and just be over something but in fact i feel more people need to do a deep dive on this before it is over... it is Not a reflection on your current situation but something could just be triggering you without you really making the connection.
To get it to stop you may need to deal with some items you buried that seem to be working up to the surface.
@amiableSpring1507 I have had a similar experience and its completely normal to have those feelings. Flashbacks can be pretty painful and often cause you to 'disassociate'. I've tried methods like the 4 thing I see, 3 I feel etc and during sexual activities, it a bit difficult to do. Its an awful feeling and you might feel guilty for not being able to do everything as 'normal' but its okay. Its not your fault.
Its really great your partner understands and that would definitely help in reducing the flashbacks. Please ensure you have a look at grounding techniques for ptsd, it will help you get out of your head and be in the moment. Your subconscious self makes you have those flashbacks to protect you from any harm and you need to let it know that youre safe and its okay.
Dont stress too much. If you need to take things slow or take a few minutes to get back, im sure your partner will understand!