Young and stupid..... TW: SA, Incest
Lemme start this out I was young and ***....I do not do this anymore....
This all started when I went to Florida for a few years. When I met my cousin (Not my blood cousin), She convinced me having intercourse and watching corn with each other was practice and We should be doing it we weren't blood anyway I was like 8 and she was 11, We did this like a few months playing w barbies doing it and doing ourselves. No one knew, A few months later her sister joined in. (Her sister was 16 btw) We all did and they talked my two little siblings (They were 6 and 5..) into it they made it seem okay but told us not to tell ( We also had a sneak club so they had dirt on us) After we left Florida me and my siblings kinda forgot about it till my little brother brought it up and said we should still do it cuz our cousin said it was "Parctice" By now I had another little sister who joined this lasted up till I was 13 and felt that this was VERY wrong and I told them so and my little sister who was 11 tried to black mail with everything we have done. I told her she would get in trouble to and she was making me uncomfortable........Here lately now Im 15 and shes 12 almost 13...I have been waking up with my pants in weird angles.....My bra un did and i hate to even try to think of what may have happened well I was a sleep..
Well Yesterday my younger brother and sister who was grateful to get out of that whole *** up problem.....We got left home alone when they started talking about How my sister was black mailing them....Becuase they did it one time again and they both hated it and wanted to stop.
Is this considered sexaul assault? Are we weird? Are we freak?
I hate this feeling it haunts me every day I wish I could go back and take everything I did back so I didn't live with this feeling and you dear reader are the first people outside of those people who know what happened. I am so ashamed to even utter a word of this.
Please help me I am a terrible person who should be in jail
~Mae
@Maeeeeebae999 😥😥 when others are in control it's never simple😥😥😥
@Tinywhisper11
It weighs on my mind everyday....I am not this good person everyone thinks I am and Idk I feel like *** keeping stuff in.
@Maeeeeebae999 hugs you tightly ❤ I'm right here for you ❤
@Maeeeeebae999
Hey! I am sorry to hear that this happened. I can understand how you are feeling negative about yourself in this situation, but I would like to tell you that I don't feel like you are a horrible person. It sounds like you were young as you mentioned you were 8 when this first happened. You ask if this is considered sexual assault.... I'd say it is. How do you feel about telling a trusted adult about what happened?
@HopieRemi
I would get in a lot of trouble my family is abusive and I don't really trust any adults but my mom and she will tell my step dad and i will get in a lot of trouble.
@Maeeeeebae999
Okay so it sounds like it is not safe and most of your family would not understand. I am sorry to hear that your family is abusive. It sounds like your environment is not a very safe one. Do you attend school? What place is your safe place?
All that’s going to follow are only my opinions. I may be wrong. My hope is to provide ideas more than to assert. I look forward to any additional information ( assuming you're comfortable with that ), corrections, and disagreements.
Now that’s clear, let’s go for it.
Are we weird? Are we freak?
To some people, yes. To anyone able to listen and think for themselves, no. But a lot of well intentioned people won’t know how to navigate this and might panic, don’t let them distress you. There is no emergency to process that, go at your pace and let no one rush you.
At the core, I don’t think you are. The argument that got you roped into this was “it’s normal to do”, can’t get less freaky than that.
Is this considered sexaul assault?
I don’t know, you’re the judge on that. Was there consent?
A lot of people are going to argue that if kids got involved it has to be sexual assault because they don’t understand the situation well enough to consent. That’s pretty clear when it’s between a kid and a full grown adult. But among kids that’s blurry to me. I’d rather call it “dangerously missguided sexual practice”. Well, right up until we get into blackmail territory, at which point it’s definitely abuse.
It sounds like the cousin who got you started has/had a distorted vision of what normal sexual intercourse is, which didn’t get fixed and then spread. That can happen, and that’s what sexual education classes are aiming to prevent among other things. But given that sex/eroticism sells, social media can get you in a competition of who’s the hottest, and pron being easy to access, it all makes it sound very normal. It could be, in a different culture. Could that culture ever exist and survive? Impossible to say, each person is gonna have a different idea about that.
Then I guess it went into “you don’t tell them or else” for two reasons.
It felt good and so they wanted to keep it going
They realized how badly that would blow up if it were to come to light
Regarding number 2, it is a fact that the younger you are the bigger things are. That’s easy to explain because the more you live, the more experiences you have and so any experience becomes smaller and smaller. So right now, all this looks like the end of the world. Which is a valid feeling, I’d feel the same way. But the cool thing is that it’s going to get easier with time.
Honestly, I’m glad you reached out. The thing that needs to happen in this situation is to gather more perspectives in order to not be trapped in your old “normal” seeing what else can exist is the best way to navigate.
On the flip side, having more and more people getting subjected to the hypersexualisation of medias means that there are going to be less and less people automatically grossed out by experiences like these.
I am a terrible person
Nah, you’re a person who’s had terrible experiences. Mistakes haunt us because we’re grieving for possibilities we lost. But that’s alright, life is surprisingly flexible, you’re not irremediably *** up nor are you unforgivable.
What do you think about this?
@Zhakk
This does make sense and I think that....If I hadn't do it I would have been able to stop my siblings I mean we were young and dumb didn't know wtf we were doing and when the 16-year-old joined I for sure thought it was fine. After awhile (When I was 13) I realized how wrong and un-natural it felt. Thank you for your input though <3
~Love,Mae
Hey, I am sorry to hear what happened to you. You are not a freak, you are not weird. There is many research that addresses incest SA in families that are abusive, this is a very common way of coping for kids as they don't know better. You are not alone in this, there are many children who experience similar and grow up being extremely ashamed of it. Don't be ashamed, you are still very young and a child, there is no need for you to go to jail, you did nothing wrong. You don't have to share that with your family, is there a teacher you could share that with? A nurse? Maybe a school therapist? A counselor? There are many hotlines you can call for free, available in every country you can contact to get advice. You mentioned Florida, I assume you are from the US. Don't confirm this information please, keep it disclosed/ private, it's the Internet . If it is the US "Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline" is a possibilty to start. Some states provide free, anonymous counseling/ therapy for kids, you do not have to disclose it to family members. I once was touched by a family member when I was your age and I also felt very weird and lonely, the first thing I did was to type out my situation on an ugly *** first generation smartphone in a random Internet forum ( the times were different back then) similar like you did now in this one. I felt confused and weird. Back then someone told me, that this might be the wrong forum due to the topic being too heavy and them to inexperienced to help, which made me feel even worse, keeping it a secret for years. You don't have to feel ashamed or bad, it's not your fault. You are not alone, don't blame yourself. Your feelings are valid.
