i miss my rapist
i know, what the ***? right. how can you miss someone who caused so much harm and pain? someone who took what they wanted and left you to pick up the pieces. i dont know. i feel bad, like theres something wrong with me. i broke down because all i wanted to do was call him and make sure he was okay, after all we had been friends since childhood.
am i wrong to miss him?
he drugged and raped me. i feel like i put so much time and effort in to making sure he was okay just for him to do this to me. i feel betrayed. i feel this anger in me that cant be settled. why did he have to ruin what we had? we were friends, i cared about him. i loved him like a brother. why did he hurt me?
what can i do about this? does anyone know how to move on? how to heal? how to not care about this monster anymore? please i need help i cant keep feeling like this its tearing me apart.
@hellshalo this is heartbreaking...I really can relate to the feeling of not being able to let go of someone who has caused you intense pain and you know you have to let go in order to heal...I care about you so much...I'm here for you if you ever feel alone and I hope you find an effective solution...Much love
@hellshalo ok you were friends first.
He then did this and although it was rape, sex bonds two people. Trauma bonds two people: the "abuse" bond, all this on top of original friendship.
Do you have some yarn?
Choose a length and a color to represent the original friendship.
Then choose same length different color to represent the rape.
Last of all the trauma, same thing.
Make a braid out of the three lengths of yarn.
There's your problem right there.
Hey my dear, I was raped too. Drugged. Feel in love with him after. It is called Stockholm syndrome where the person that is kidnapped fall in love with the kidnapper. Be pasiënt with yourself, and let that anger out.. try not to hurt yourself and others doing it. Remember to saved every conversation you had with him. Just in case you need future proof..you may not be ready now ❤️ so sorry my dear. And just remember, no matter how you treated him, no matter how you still care about him now... he had no right! HE was wrong and no matter what any one says know I believe you, and it is not your fault. I care about you. You are protecting yourself from pain by seeing him as a good person. But your subconscious knows the truth and is angry.
Try and get resources on how to overcome Stockholm syndrome
You are not wrong for missing him, after all you had history, real feelings of care for him before he hurt you. However have you ever asked yourself because of the fear of being hurt again you haven't been able to create a similar maybe better friendship/relationship with someone else. I struggle myself with things, so maybe my advice isn't the best. However, with some things I was able to move on by building a better relationship with someone else. Someone who makes me feel safe,wanted,loved,cared about, etc. It was hard for me to trust them at first and maybe I still have thoughts of doubt. They are always there though, to help ease the thought of getting hurt; by reassuring me. I know I don't know you, and like I said I still struggle aswell. I'd still love to be there for you, and maybe we aren't so different. 💗🥰