i need to talk about this

Hi guys, I only wrote this text to vent, since I've been wanting to get it off my chest for a long time and I don't know who to tell it to..

(I'm sorry if my English is not very good, I'm Spanish)

TW THIS TEXT HAS SEXUAL CONTENT AND TALKS ABOUT DRUGS.

12/10/2022

I don't remember that day very well.

I met A, a friend of mine, we decided to go for a walk because we wanted to party and we didn't know where. We were close to the Arc de Triomphe and since I already knew that there were always people there, we decided to go. Once there, we didn't like talking to people, so we started drawing on the grass. Until I recognized a boy, it was L, he was carrying a very large speaker and he was with another boy that I also knew, W. I knew these two because K had introduced them to me at a party and we had talked for a while. So I decided to say hello, I introduced them to A and we talked for a while longer. At one point in the conversation they offered us a joint, and we both said yes, I took a few puffs, I didn't want to smoke much either because it usually made me feel bad and I didn't want that, but as time went by, I was getting more bored and each time he puffed more. Until around 12 they told us that a friend of his had a house alone that apart from the three of them there were going to be two more people and that we could go since there was more marijuana, we could even stay to sleep there. The truth is that we really wanted the plan, so I wrote to my mother telling her that I was going to sleep at my boyfriend's house, I lied to her, and that tomorrow I would return around lunchtime. On the way to this guy's house, whose name I don't remember, L was flirting at me, and I have to admit that I didn't dislike the situation because he seemed quite attractive to me. When we were close, L left for a moment, I don't remember why, but we were only left with W and my friend A going towards the house. I began to notice that W was also flirting at me but I passed him by a bit because he didn't seem attractive at all. We arrived at this boy's house, A and I introduced ourselves, there was the owner of the house, a gay boy and his best friend, the truth is that I really liked them both. We spent a while talking, listening to music, smoking marijuana and watching YouTube videos on TV. The gay guy and his best friend had to leave early so it was just the owner of the house, L, W, A and me. We kept doing the same thing, the truth is that I was having a great time, I was laughing about everything and I was very relaxed, I was quite surprised that the joints didn't hurt me, considering that I was also smoking a lot more than normal. Around 2 o'clock I start to get very sleepy since the marijuana was making me super sleepy, so I decide to comment on it and the owner of the house tells me that I can sleep in his room. I go there, the room was very messy, there were a lot of clothes on the floor and it was full of garbage, the mattress was on the floor and quite dirty but sleep could take me, so I decide to take some clothes that were on top of the mattress and lie there to sleep. I was covered with a blanket because it was cold. When I was about to fall asleep, I heard someone enter. I could barely open my eyes, everything was spinning and I just wanted to sleep. I thought it was my friend A and I didn't give it much importance. I notice that this person stretches out next to me and that little by little he gets closer to me. Then he tells me "can we share a blanket?" It was W's voice, but I didn't care anymore, I said yes and I noticed how he hugged me, spooning me, I wanted to get away but I no longer had the strength and I fell asleep. From here on my memory fails me as I was a little sleepy and confused. I remember that he started touching my breasts, I woke up a bit since I was wearing a top that was too small for me and he was stretching it, which bothered me. I remember at one point *** his ***, he was forcing my head against his member and I was gagging a lot. I remember that he pulled down my pants, ripped jeans, and he began to caress my *** with his fingers over my ***. I remember him pulling down my *** and beginning to insert a finger, then another, and then another, thus ending with his whole hand inside. At that moment I felt very bad and I remember moaning in pain, which made him think it was pleasure, so he rubbed harder each time and put his hand deeper. I remember that during all this he kept telling me how "hot I am" and that "I was his little ***." And the last thing I remember of that night is that he was jerking off next to me while he looked at me and touched me half-naked and almost unconscious. The next day I woke up and I didn't remember anything. I only knew that I had my pants fly unbuttoned but I thought it would be because at some point I would have gone to pee. The truth is that at that moment I just wanted to go home, eat something and rest. It wasn't until hours later that I remembered everything that happened to me and it wasn't until days later that I accepted it as it was, a RAPE.