tired

last night was my moms birthday and i won't go into details on how i got to the point i was in but she had left to pick up a friend and i had been asked to sweep our bathroom well i physically couldn't walk at the moment and started crying because i felt terrible because i knew she was already having a bad day.i went to sit down and started crying more and asking her to come home (i convinced myself she had left again) and one of her friends came in and asked if i wanted to call her but she wasn't answering that's when the hallucinations started and i started hearing her voice and i just kept crying i then threw up a few times and that's when she got home i kept apologizing because i felt i ruined her birthday and i felt really bad not only did i ruin things with her i feel like everyone hates me because i kept asking everyone to go away even my girlfriend and i feel bad about it still