trigger warning abuse and time of year

big trigger warning 

abuse, sex and time of year talking about also cult like actions

hi all many know us and parts of our story too. but  this part we not share much as many not believe this kind of stuff still happens here in USA, but it does but kelp  secret mostly. out of fear and well beliefs

we hate this time of year due to part of our abuse. may do not know satanic things still happen even within the USA. our was only by older boys but it left lasting effect  for us. 

it all started with them finding and taking a satanic bible from our school library. yes it was in there might shock many that it was within the school too.  they read it and started doing things from it mostly sexual abuse, chanting and things like that. other parts we still can not really post about but was gross and very bad.

we use to believe that they could hurt us even if they died through them coming at us by their spirit. this part most within system  no longer believe. we believe it was only to put more fear into us and to keep the secrets  from coming out.

October  is  one of what called high times it mostly like time that they do things within sadly. we really not know others who deal with this kind of abuse. guess it fits under spiritual abuse. but within us the memories still feel fresh the pain they put on us is lasting. even today it is part that we deal with due to physical  harm done to us.

within it there was also slavery and by our own brother. this was like the worst betrayal  a person could ever have. when someone within ones family let others have you and them getting money for it.   not sure what was worst the sexual abuse or the being sold so he could get  money from them. this went on for few years. haunted  by the shame of this all we keep thinking did we do something that lead them on. we been told we must have dressed sexually or lead them to believe we wanted it.

but there was grooming from very young age started as a game he told us we was playing doctor and he was the doctor. it hard as he only 4yr older then us and this started when we was 3yr.  he would have been 7yr at that time. not sure were he got the ideas to do this to us. maybe the boy down the road maybe others. did he just think them up guess we never know.

but this time of year is very hard on us the satanic stuff only went on for maybe 2 or 3 yrs. started around age 8yr end shortly after we was 10yr.  but it the part of our abuse that hits us to the core. after we was married  years into the marriage  after we lost our kids to government. we started to remember more and the most shocking part was our hubby  had fooled us into marrying him. by acting one way before we married him and became abusive after we married him.

the memory of  him being one of our abusers as a child within this  cult way. how could we not know how could we marry him. but at time everything under age 11yr was blocked out. this was partly why we runaway from him and he now ex-hubby.

thank to anyone who reads this sorry it long thought maybe if we shared this part it would help some not sure right now about much