trigger warning childhood abuse and effects we had today
Trigger warning
today we had a CT scan it was ok in beginning a lady was one that was there at first. But when it was done a man was one who came out to lower table and we had to ask for help to get up. As was laying on our back. He was kind and all. But this triggered us a lot. We did not feel it until we got home. We rode mobility scooter home.
It was like him touching our back and helping us up remind us of things abusers did to us. One was that they would lay us down on ground on a star with candles at the placements that were used. After the abuse within this. One of them had to help us up as we could not get up from the ground. The person one of our abusers. Would touch our back and at same time would put hands in privet place. So just the one today that helped us get off the CT scan table. Triggered this memory. We know he was not one of our abusers. But seeing he was male and kinda helped us off in away that they do in hospitals. But the memory came flooding back.
It seems that memories are coming up more in new ways. Since we moved 8 years ago. Think it due to we safe from all types of abuse and our abusers. Guess that being safe away from them. Has brought up a new layer on memories. The hard part is now that we feel emotions again. They connecting to the memories.
The one we stated brought up fear and feeling of being controlled within the abuse. But also even deeper shame and well feeling things we not yet abuse to put into words. So many been saying you been healing for a long time the memories should not bother you. But yes even within the last 25 years we have worked on healing. But we was still in different types of abuse not all the types we had. But some was still being done to us up until we moved.
So yes we healed a lot even within last of the abuse. But now we free from it. More things be coming up. This time with emotions connected to them. That the new part we need to work on healing from
@stormieandpaws
I'm so sorry... I totally empathize. I had a man abuse me 3 or so years ago, and now I sometimes inwardly flinch when men even walk near me.
Can you tell doctors that you have PTSD and not to touch you without permission?
@jesusredeemedme2425 hugs kiara💖
@jesusredeemedme2425
this was tech worker in were they do CT scans it was odd as it never triggered us before we had lots of them and many MRIs he did ask if need help we said yes so he ask and offer help we still not fully sure why this time was so different think that what really bothering us even today thanks
Did he remind you of someone who hurt you? Maybe because of how he looked, something he wore, how he touched you, his mannerisms?
@stormieandpaws there's no time limit on healing😕 whoever told you those memories shouldn't bother you no more is very very wrong😕 there are memories that will haunt us forever and you have the right to feel your emotions. When you get triggered it can be very upsetting and scary 🙁 in so sorry about what happened to you and I'm so sorry you got triggered. Hugs you tightly 💖 I'm here for you 💖 we all are 💖
@Tinywhisper11
thanks we know you understands too not sure why this time was different then all the other times we had them type of things as we had them a lot over the years.
we been told all our life to not show emotions to not even trust self pull your self up by your boot laces and just smile we try no longer to do that but still hard we even had mental health worker go your smiling as you tell memories they must not have been very bad.
we blessed the new therapist we have for now offline get it but she went got more training then most on effects of trauma she even took one on personality disorders so far she been best one we had in like 20 years sad more not like her. but hard part is we can not email her or call her due to were she working so that can be very hard
the memories still feel fresh even after many years but now the emotions are connected to them so much harder right now before we was just numb emotionally
we had many say just get over it happened many years ago why can you not let go of it why it still effected you in your daily life it like they believe one can just get over it and move on
it haunts us daily pop up even in unexpected times sometime we not even know what has triggered us can be anything even a smell of something sure you understand
hugs💔
@stormieandpaws I do understand almost anything can be a trigger🙁 I'm glad you got a good therapist now💖I've got a great one too 💖 people don't quite understand the level of trauma you went through🙁 so don't pay attention to those who say just get over it, they are not worth your time. How are you feeling today??
@stormieandpaws
Sending you all my love 💜💕
@Amanda84
thank you we feel foolish for the things we get triggered by
@stormieandpaws
You should never feel foolish 💕💜
@Amanda84
thank we often do but told that we was all our life too hard to rewire the brain a lot of the time