tw for sa sorry but I need advice

In April of this year, me and two of my other friends went to my hest friends house. I'll refer the two other friends as M and G and the best friend as F to avoid confusion.

We went to F's house for a sleepover. We had fun for the first couple hours, watching movies and eating snacks and stuff. But at some point, F suggested that we drink some of her parents alcohol. We agreed.

So we got drunk. Things were funny for the next hour, as we were all just joking around and stuff. But at some point, I was just trying to watch TV as my social battery was completely drained. I was sitting next to M and G on F's bed, watching TV. Then F got onto the bed with us, got in front of me and proceeded to sa me while M and G just watched.

I was very drunk and I honestly don't remember if I even said anything. But I do remember trying to pull away from her.

I went home early the next morning and didn't tell anyone.

In June, I ended up cutting contact with M, G, and F.

A few months passed by and I was depressed. Not over the sa but over the fact that I lost my only friends. I didn't think about the sa much.

But in the past couple weeks, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I've had panic attacks over it, I relapsed, and I've had trouble talking to anyone. I feel like my behavior is invalid.

Also, by the time I'm posting this I have told my parent about what happened.