2023 Is Gonna Be My Year!
I want to tell all about 2022 and just how AWFUL it was because I honestly at times don't know how I survived it and how things are currently looking up. I'm still struggling, but I have some solutions to some of my worries, and as long as things go as planned, life should start to feel a little more safer and a little more stable.
Sometimes I get so lost in my thoughts that I don't know what's real and what is just my imagination. My senses get heightened. I can't keep doing this. The escapism isn't productive. The rapid switching between alters trying to just make it second by second. No internal boundaries between my parts and myself seem to exist at the moment. People think I'm okay. But if people saw inside my mind this very second, I don't think anyone would think I was doing okay. I mean, I'm better than I used to be, but my world, my life feels so dark and soul *** and I just feel completely hopeless in my worst moments. I used to find hope in something I wish I had never seen hope in, but I can't allow myself to see hope in that thing anymore, and so I feel hopeless because that was my only hope things get better. Now my hope for better is that alien planets exist and that I'm actually. a starseed and have some alien purpose on this planet and that I'm actually fulfilling a really hard mission that I'm going to rewarded for.
I know I sound crazy right now. And I guess that's why I'm writing publicly. This is what it's like inside my head but people expect me to function like an adult. How do you expect me to function like an adult when my head is like this? I don't even know how to be an adult. The adults in my life were not very adult-like. The ones that were the most adult-like gave me unrealistic expectations of what my life should look like and what my priorities should be. And then I've done years of therapy and therapy has tried to teach me to be a human, but the way the world works, we aren't supposed to be human, we're supposed to be some type of superhuman that functions without having it's basic needs met. It's fine. Everything is fine. The world is a dumpster fire.
@beautifuldisasterx0 You are absolutely right. The world wants to tell you that you need to strive to be super human. The marketing world does anyway. It gets into your head, your friends head, your family. We all repeat the little marketing mantras. The marketeers know you’ll fail to achieve the ideal. That’s great for them because you’ll keep buying. It’s not just sales marketing, it’s in politics, religion, corporations. You’re right that we are aliens too. All of us have a common origin from somewhere out in the universe. The Big Bang perhaps. Each one of us survives in our own time on this planet. You are here because your great great great x 100 grandparents survived. Some people refer to themselves as “just some random person”. I find this wording incredibly near sighted. The fact that YOU, not someone “like you” but YOU are here is astronomically rare. To call oneself “random” is to spit on the lives of all those REAL people who are in your direct genetic lineage. Here YOU are at this moment in time. This really short sliver of time we all get. And it’s tough. It’s a struggle. It’s NOT all happy, strong, rich, thin, successful. For some of us it’s hardly any of those things. Did you eat today? Do you have shelter? Tomorrow may come with a struggle we don’t want. Sometimes we’re so angry because someone seemingly far less deserving has so much more. More money, better friends, easier life, whatever. We can choose to stumble over the obstacles we “build into” the story of our life or we can recognize that some of that can be discarded. It takes time and effort to realize what we can find that can give us some happiness. You’re right, 2023 can be better. You’re also right, the world IS a dumpster fire. As they say, none of us will get out of here alive. But humans have been doing this for centuries. Many of our grandparents have told us what’s important - like gratitude, hope, not sweating the small stuff. Many of us ignore this ancient wisdom we call it cliché. When we eventually get the point, we try to pass that on to others - and when we do so, our stories are so long that everyone goes into a mini coma. I hope your 2023 is an awesome year.
@hopefulPond6108
Thank you for the kind response. It's just been a struggle and sometimes I wish I wasn't a human on this planet, but I often have to remind myself that I exist on this planet in this time for a purpose greater than myself... What that is, well we'll see.
I did some oracle card readings for my 2023 and it indicated that this year may be the year I find/start living my purpose, and I really hope that prediction becomes reality. I'm doing my best to get there.
There are times when I too feel like being in the darkness but that's part of the fun.
Even when times seem to be going smoothly I believe if you make it rougher you are a person with purpose and you will have a good year to come.
We as people feel obligated to feel good because it is part of the human nature it is good for us.
I want to say so much like you but I feel like I am going through two things at once I'm having a great day.
Do you feel hopeless sometimes because of all that?
I can say my honest opinion about all of what you wrote, I wish us a great day and that maybe we can make it all on our own. This letter might not have been read on time, and maybe that is why it was written as such.
@bubbleTown7508
I think the hopelessness comes in for me of feeling/fearing my best won't be good enough. I always do my best, but my best has left me jobless and homeless before and I fear the past repeating itself..
I’m just going to use this space to express thoughts that I don’t want to keep in anymore. I’m open to conversation. I just want to get things out and not feel so freaking alone all of the time. I feel like I don’t know how to connect to people and so I feel so isolated and alone. Mostly because I keep so many thoughts inside that I can never share.
Sometimes I get angry because I realized that my parents did NOT prepare me for adulthood. They weren’t great examples, they didn’t teach me useful life skills, and they gave me so much trauma I have DID.
Im 32 and feel like I am such a failure of a human. Not because I haven’t tried but because I never really had a chance. But here I am still fighting. Still doing my best.
I’m at it again. My brain is an absolute mess and I feel like no one really cares for my existence. I’m so dissociated I am losing touch with reality. I can heat my heart beat inside my head.
I should probably sleep but I don’t want to. I’m tired of bring lonely.