A Raven's Eye
This is simply to open my "page" or diary. I may not write here for a bit.
~SpruceRaven
Found you! Hope you have a wonderful day 😉
@purpleWest8143 Hooray! Thank you! Hope you have a lovely day too!
Hey there, everyone!
Glad you decided to make this thread, Raven 
Feel free to share your story with us when you feel comfortable. No rush 
Sending you many hugs
@lonelyandsickFede Hi Fede! Thank you so much! I'm so glad to see you here! I confess that I'm a bit nervous....re the diary.🙄🙃😉
@SpruceRaven Yay!!
And I totally understand why you're nervous. I used to be too shy even to talk online, so I know how you feel :)
Take your time and talk when you're feeling at ease
Just remember we're here for you and won't judge you, so you can say anything you need to say at your own pace
@lonelyandsickFede Thank you. That's so lovely and means so much.
@SpruceRaven
@lonelyandsickFede
Hi Fede. I just want to wish you the very best as you go forward in life. It was lovely to meet you. I hope everything turns out well for you.
@SpruceRaven
Hey, Raven. Thank you It's been great to meet you and I'm happy we could talk even just for a while. I truly hope you can find peace and have a better future. Know that if you ever need me, I'll be here waiting :) Goodbye, friend I hope to see you again someday
Today marks the 91st day of No Contact.
Feels....interesting. Grounding and freeing. Coming home to self interwoven with threads of grief, loss, remorse.
It's a good thing. And still it's like walking through a battlefield and its aftermath....
@SpruceRaven what will be nice, is when you do not have to count anymore. When it does not matter. Hope you get there soon. When you no longer have to keep score, the game will be over. And you will be the victor.
@PerfectStorm426
Hmm yeah. It's a good exercise thoufh. A claiming of sorts. Because I'm totally done this time.
And....that just beings me to a new beginning. It's a bit challenging....
@SpruceRaven we live to be challenged. Thats what defines us. How we beat the challenges. How we overcome the trials. The smile on our face after we kick its ass! thats who we are!
@PerfectStorm426 brings (not beings).
People thinl it's no big d3al but it is. I lost my whole community and family over this. Wasted yeara trying to find a way through ....could have turned away/moced on so many times snd didn't.
Too stubborn.
Too f***ing loyal.
Not willing to give up.
What a waste
@SpruceRaven not a waste. It was a part of the creation of who you are at this moment. As f*cked up as it is. You would not be you without the shit that you went thru. Think of the future and how totally awesome its gonna be. Cause you are pretty damn awesome yourself. And you know it.
@PerfectStorm426
Thank you Storm. I mean it.
@PerfectStorm426
I'm already a Victor.
Thank you for being so supportive.
@SpruceRaven
Hey, Raven! I'm so glad you're out of that unhealthy relationship. There must be a lot to work on and a lot of construction and deconstruction taking place. Remember to give yourself some credit! I say that when I can't even do the same right now. lol
This is Raven's time. Fly around, look at the fields and trees, tilt your head at the curiosities of the world. You've more than earned it. <3
@CaloenasNicobarica Thank you Cal! So awesome of you to come here when you're in the midst of your own nights of the soul!
It means so much. Thank you for the solace and encouragement.
@SpruceRaven
I don't know all the details, but I'm so proud of you, Raven
And you should be proud of yourself too.
You fought hard and won. You've become a true warrior. Very few have such strength and bravery!
Your emotional wounds may still hurt and bleed, but they'll heal with time and care, and turn into battle scars that you can show with pride.
The battle is over, you've won the war and now you can slowly rebuild your future on the burned soil. A new start, Raven.
(Sorry for all the metaphors. Maybe I got a bit carried away, haha.. I hope you like my words tho)
@lonelyandsickFede Thank you Fede. So lovely. Glad I met you.
@SpruceRaven
I'm happy I met you too And glad you liked my words I hope they made you feel braver and stronger.
@lonelyandsickFede Oh yes! Thank you! They did! I am still uncertain of exactly how it will be best to go forward but I am willing.
Thank you again. You gave me a very great gift in a time of much uncertainty and sadness.
May you have stars in your crown forevermore. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
@SpruceRaven
I'm truly happy I helped you
I hope you can carry my words in your heart and remember them in times of need, so you can feel me close to you even when we'll be apart :)
@lonelyandsickFede I loved this too Fede. I wanted you to know in case i forgot to tell you.
@lonelyandsickFede I meant that lovely longer post from 2 days ago. About the burnt ground or star. Very powerful images..filled with potential. I will copy rhem out to take with me.
I'm still pretty ahaky today...i dont mean that as an aspersion on anyone else....it's just where I'm at...how I feel in body and mind.....today. This too shall pass. (Just not sure I have a copy of thr timetable! Lol🙄😄!
Thanks for coming here... afterwards. I was feeling so lost and failed and out of energy and options......... you helped. 💖 Thanks.
@lonelyandsickFede LOVED the metaphors.
There's a link to an excellent article on Narcissism to be found on a recent thread in the Relationships Subcommunity. Well worth reading.
I can't do this. And I'm not calm enough to word things in a way that won't alienate people.
Maybe I'll cloae everyrhing out and come back as another oeraon and do it that way in a couple months.
Another person.
I won through but the cost was too high. I no longer have a Self or sanity. No one to catch me no care if I fall...further, shatter on the rocks...or even if I succeed.
Walking wounded...walling dead...all my gifts and strengths unwanted, perverted or destroyed.
He won. He destroyed me. It would have been far kinder if he had simply finished the job of strangling me all those years ago.
But then again...on some level he probably always knew...that my sense of Self and centered presence; my ability to trust myself were always more important to me than mere bodily harm or destruction.
There's nothing left of me. Just an empty useless directionless shell.
I am lost.
And I aided in my own destruction.
