Abuse I can
Im not entirely aware of the trauma Ive experienced because I was too young to remember. What I do remember is seeing red handprints on my sister when she was being changed and locking myself in my room as I imagined my stepfather forcing his penis into my mouth. What 4 year old has that kind of imagination? When I was sent to live with my biological father, he continued to use spanking as a form of punishment and continuously put us in situations where we were exposed to inappropriate sexual jokes and behaviors from adults. I know I have a lot of baggage from this build up of abuse alongside many other things, but I dont know how or even what I should do to improve my wellbeing since I cant even recall the original trauma.
@Bornfree1997
I know your pain as I am in the same situation. Something happened. I have pieces but no memory. Its frustrating because it is affecting my entire life. I'm ready to face it but I do not have a therapist right now. And I can't find one.
I have no answers for you. I wish I did then maybe I wouldn't be as lost and confused.
@Bornfree1997 I can really relate to what you said. I don't remember either and it took me years to realise what had happened. I have flashes of memory and think how can I have made that up? Your post has really helped me feel less alone. I try to remember but I decided a long time ago to put a lid on it and forget about it, it's worked well for my memory but not for my wellbeing. Just because we don't remember details, doesn't mean it didn't happen. Well done for speaking up, I hope you're ok. I'm sorry you went through that and your sister.
And thank you, for sharing x
@Bornfree1997 I don't have any answers for you but I wish I did. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that but I wanted to let you know you are not alone in this. It's truly one of the worst feelings to not only have undergone something traumatic but to then not remember what happened. It almost feels like a really bad dream but one that triggers you randomly in your everyday life. I know that for me, when this happens it feels like someone just took the floor out from under me and I am just left confused and scared. My thoughts are with you and I hope you can begin to heal soon.
