A child's view on telling

*Trigger about sexual abuse* (not sure they these warnings work yet sorry)

I read the first couple of pages of a book that I am not allowed to read and well someone else my age went through what I did or am going through. It is so perfectly written it just sums up a large part of what I feel although things happened differently she knew of what it was like.

Promises Promises

I asked you for help
And you told me you would if I told you things
My dad did to me
It was really hard for me to trust you
But you told me to trust you
Then you made me repeat them to fourteen different strangers.

I asked you for Privacy and you sent two police men to my school
In front of everyone, to go downtown for a talk in their black and
white car
Like I was being busted

I asked you to believe me and you said that you did
Then you questioned me over and over again
And took me to court where lawyers put me on trial
Like I was a lair
I can't help it if I can't remember times and dates
Or explain why I couldn't tell my mum
Your questions got me confused
My confusion got you suspicious

I asked you to put an end to the abuse
You put an end to my whole family
You took away my nights of hell
And gave me days of hell instead
You've exchanged my private nightmare
For a very public one.

Something about her peom just makes me cry and hug her forever. That was first published in 1988 so the girl is now at least 40 years old but it still makes me cry and I stall want to hug her forever. There are many things I share with her, my family is different and I am so lucky, grateful for the rest of my family. My daddy said he was guilty of the abuse because I was told, he did want me to suffer more. Which means I never had to go to court or anything like that. I am really not sure how that makes me feel apart from everything at the same time with no idea how to control it. Just I have come to the conclusion that when she told, when I told, it was already to late. Nothing could be saved either of us, did she do anything wrong? Did I? I still doubt it was the right thing to do. In a weird way were she found people did not believe her the opposite is true I wish no one ever had.

I wonder what happened to her, hopeful she was stubborn and had dreams which nothing could get in the way of. Maybe she is on 7Cups who knows. I just hope what stopped at 12 for her never defined who she was, she still had those dreams, she still did the things she wanted to do, she never gave up. That would give me hope and inspire me. That would make me happy.