Alone (replies would be appreciated)

I’m a high school freshmen, my school contains both elementary middle and high school in the same building, so I’ve been with the same people for about 5 years.

last year I had a falling out with my friend group after one of the girls turned everyone against me by spreading lies and rumours about me regarding my mental health issues and private information. The friend group was extremely toxic, with fights happening almost everyday but I was very much gaslit into believing I caused all of the toxicity because according to them I was a “bad” person. For months I believed that I was the problem, but to this day I see them arguing and treating people awfully.

anyways, I’m really alone now because my friend group consists with most of the girls in my grade and I have literally no one else in school I can reach out to. I’m alone everyday and scared everyday (I deal with anxiety) to go to school in fear of something bad would happen to me. Since last year when all the drama went down I was verbally attacked many times in school, it doesn’t happen as often anymore with a few exceptions but I live in fear everyday that something is going to happen.

The girl who turned everyone against me in a horrible way, consisting of me getting verbally attacked by her in school following hundreds of texts from all the girls when I got home of paragraphs, insults and screenshots of people hating on me and everyone turning on me at once. Everything fell apart that day.

i see them all hanging out going at each other’s houses and having fun and I can’t help but feel so empty, I feel like everything was all my fault. I feel like a loner and I wish I had friends I wish I had somebody but I don’t, I don’t have anyone and I’m just alone. I feel so upset when I see their pictures on social media together enjoying life. I wish that was me. I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression and it’s getting harder and harder to cope everyday.

ive had a history of being abused, and am seeking help for it. However as a 14 year old I really cannot bare to be alone anymore. I feel scared and I wish I had friends I feel like they were so much better off without me. My ex best friend of 7 years even left me for the girl who spread the lies about me, this stings everyday. I tend to switch schools next year but I have 3 months before the end of the year, and I feel like I cannot make it and carry on anymore. I cant even sleep in my own room anymore because I get endless nightmares about them and my past abusers. Everything feels awful and I wish it would get better but it isn’t.

i cant cope with all this loneliness I have no one by my side and seeing all my ex friends become popular and expanding their circle makes me so sad because I feel like I’m missing out but deep down I know they’re bad people (they’re homophobic/transphobic which hurts because I’m closeted and make ableist jokes) but for some reason I want to be with them because I feel empty, and from all the social media pictures they seem fun to be around. I don’t know what to do. Seriously. Help