Don't read this. Trigger warnings. I'm sorry.

I've gotten really good at pretending to be ok, sometimes I actually convince myself.
I live alone so nobody checks on me.
All my friends are miles away
And I'm sinking.
Nobody will get to me in time and that's ok.
I'm sick of this. All I wanted was a steady job. I can't live like this forever. I don't want to live like this forever.
I can take my drugs when I work not to feel any thing.
They say I'm like a sex doll, they can just bend me any way they want. I feel the pain later though, one of them broke my arm recently. One of them kidnapped me for 3 days and tortured me under substance abuse. I don't remember some of it. But that's ok.
One of them killed me once. I woke up in hospital surrounded by police. They didn't help me, they didn't care, they wanted to know where they went. A suspect for a case.
Thank God I have my drugs. At least this part of me doesn't know what that part of me is.
Tonight I'm doing the same thing, I've disinfected my body and purged everything out. Because if I don't do this I won't survive until tomorrow. And it's ok.

I wear turtleneck in summer and I hardly eat just in case, I have some really horrible ones, they like horrible things, because they're horrible demons. They like to re-enact porno they watch. I promise myself it's the last time, for money's sake.

For money's sake.