Falsely accused and imprisoned
My ex was telling me I should kill myself, that he was going to destroy my life, was contacting my friends and family, etc.. I posted one of his texts stating this to FB (without his name, just the message) just because I couldn't do this alone anymore, I had to let people know what was happening to me. He found out (though he is blocked -- made me paranoid). I was tired, confused, I wanted this to stop and wanted to make myself a non-threat to him. I also didn't want to ruin his life over a breakup! So I told him I had considered going to the police and decided not to and that I had deleted all his messages as they were too destructive and I just wanted all this out of my life.
A week later he went to the police and told them *I* had made threats on his life and was harassing him. When the first court date came and they delayed the proceedings, the next day he claimed I had vandalized his car (he had wrote to me telling me he had s new car after the breakup, so I never saw his new car anyways). The police told me they had no proof but had to respond to his report. He had told them I was dangerous so they preventatively detained me for two days waiting trial. If you've ever been locked up, you know they don't give you much information. They told me it wasn't like in the movies and I could not call my family. I saw no lawyer or judge. They were transporting me from location to location without telling me where I was going or why. They "forgot" to feed me for those two days
Because my grandparents had been imprisoned in Auschwitz and other camps for 3 years, I panicked and came to the conclusion I had no rights and protection under the law. That even if they released me he would continue and this would continue happening. So I tried to hang myself. Which led to a psych evaluation and overall imprisonment of 9 days.
His accusations were rejected by the Prosecutor as non-credible and the charges were dropped and I have no criminal record.
But it haunts me. The experience of being falsely accused and imprisoned. My fear of him. My fear of the police. My fear of people finding out and judging me. My disappointment at panicking to the point if requiring a psych evaluation. My disappointment in myself for not protecting myself before this happened. For deleting his texts. For giving him so many chances. For not wanting to hurt his future to the point I sacrificed my own. I feel guilty though I have been better than declared innocent: the Prosecutor didn't even let it go that far because he didn't think my ex was credible. But those 9 days. That year and a half being an accused person in the criminal justice system...
Hi @Isthatallthereis
I haven't read any of the new threads in this forum category for some time. When I read your story however I simply had to respond.
While I cannot say that I've experienced what you have, I am well aware of the effect of traumas in our lives can have on the way in which we perceive the things that we experience. I have experienced and do experience the same thoughts, feelings, and fears that you do daily. It's awful because stating your fears can never really truly provide a context that others can relate to. That can be incredibly isolating when you raise it with others.
While I know that it probably doesn't make much of a difference, let me just say this. You didn't deserve any of the treatment that you received. You really didn't. You did do nothing wrong and I hope you will get to that point where you can accept that. As I mentioned earlier, knowing it and feeling it are different things.
I hope this finds you well.
Hi @Roadie,
Thanks for the reply and encouragement. It means a lot to me. It was a relief just to say everything that happened and not have to worry if the person would believe me or stop wanting to be my friend, let alone understand.
It's tough because I haven't been myself. I'm understandly paranoid and self-isolating and part of it is not only that trainwreck thought of *will this happen again* but also: why can't I get over this? It's such a dramatic event I feel like it reflects on me, like I must be dramatic to attract drama, that I can't move on because I like drama, and maybe all this means I deserved what happened and everyone will know this if I talk -- or something like that. So I just repress. After all the court dates, I'd go home and drink for days. I'd see my friends and not drink when everyone else would and then I'd go home and drink myself to sleep. This would always last only a week but the binge eating was constant. I was never an emotional eater and suddenly I gained 30lbs. It's a bit of a metaphor maybe.
I can't date, I don't have the nerves for it. I don't trust guys but most of all I don't trust myself to choose/attract a nice one. On bad days I watch cars in the street and wonder if he's paying someone to watch me. On good days I watch TV. I'm embarrassed at what I've turned into. But admitting it makes me see now that the case is closed and spring is finally here, maybe I can climb out of this.
Oh I am so sorry to hear all that you have been through @Isthatallthereis but glad you have been able to share yourr story here. Its been a very traumatic experience and one you didn't deserve. And your repsonse to it all is a normal one. So be encouraged...as you say the case is closed and the spring is beginning. Spring brings hope of new growth and life. Its going to take time to recover, but little by little, and supported by others, its possible. Please keep talking, writing.. whatever helps you. We care and are here for you.
@rozie Thanks for the reply. I don't know why but this is the first app/forum/site that seems to be helping me. I mean, maybe it's the 15 degree warmer weather but I'm not exactly going outside yet! Just smiling more, eating healthier and doing the tiniest bit of exercise imaginable and really enjoying binging house of cards instead of staring at the wall in disappointment of myself. I signed up to this when I was too depressed/afraid of judgment just to call back my therapist and explain why I hadn't showed up for a meeting. I encourage anyone reading this to get it off your chest. Tell your story here to people who care and you don't have to worry about judgment.
@Isthatallthereis
:) You're so great :) You've been through an awful lot, @Isthatallthereis, and you still are in all reality. But you still see the optimism in the situation that perhaps this is the season that you can begin to get back to yourself again. I'm really proud of you and you should be proud of you too.
