Feeling silly for being upset about my trauma

I was in an abusive friendship, that then turned into a relationship. They would hurt themselves and tell me that it was my fault because I made them sad, and they encouraged me to hurt myself. They would always make me feel inadequate and compare me to our other friends. Our breakup was incredibly messy and it left me with nobody to really trust, because they had charmed nearly everyone that I knew. Because we had been so close and I had admired them for a ling time, once I left I felt like I had lost a huge chunk of my personality. I still think about it today, even though it ended just over three years ago, and I always feel stupid for getting so upset about it. I feel like I should be over it by now, even though I know logically that that's not how it works.