Flash back: My mother became very hostile with me out of the blue
During the summer of 1997, I got into a fight with my sister the night before a terrible traumatic situation the next day which got physical. My mom was fine when she and my dad got back from a date. Then the next morning, 15-year-old me was frustrated with my living situation where I lived a great distance my school and my friends. They all lived close by and were able to do things so I again shared my frustration with my situation. This was before I slammed the lid on a jar.
The next thing I know, my mom grabbed one of my wrists and was extremely hostile and threatening tone when she gnashed her teeth.
"Again, again, don't you ever do that again," She also acted like she was about she hit me.
Then the rest of that morning that kept picking on me and threatened to hit me just because I was having a typical bad day. While she picked on me, I got angrier and angrier in addition to crying in which she kept picking on me. Then as I was trying to get away from her, she hit me and I hit her and it became so intense that I hid under the table trying to fight back. She continued to say hostile things to me by calling me "Devilish" and other nasty things to me and that I was heading down the same road as my aunt who didn't want to have a bible study. She also brought up what I did to my sister before comparing me to a young adult to killed his whole family with an ax. I told her to shut up but she slugged me with a fight and said, "No you shut up." I continued to try and fight back by kicking her from under the table while she swung a dish towel at me.
@Summershy
It sounds like a dire situation to have been in.
It also has a few comic aspects, at least to my warped brain. I have this vision of you crawling around under the table spitting fire, while your mother makes the sign of the cross while trying to grab you and shower you with holy water. Religion, eh. Did it put you off bible study for life? Spoiler alert - things like that did that for me.
@DavidEss She didn't spray anything on me she just hit me and said bunch of hostile things and insisted that I was "Devilish" "Rebellious" and compared me to children who murdered their parents with an ax. I am very angry that happened to me
@Summershy
It sounds absolutely horrendous, just the fact that you were in that atmosphere.
I think that it reminded me of a much less serious occurance when I was 7. The headmistress wanted to beat my butt with a stick because I hadn't learned a psalm off by rote. Not for the first time, it has to be said.. Anyway, it hurt, so I dived under the table and she was chasing me around trying to reach me with the stick. It's a little hazy but I don't think I won.
Anyway, she was a dreadful woman, and 60 years later I still remember it. How it would have affected me if my mother had behaved in that way I can't imagine.
@DavidEss there is mental illness in my family
@Summershy
That's a difficult cross to bear, if I might continue the religious theme.
I don't think it excuses meanness though. Randomness, yes. Scattyness, yes. Meanness, no.
I'm sure there are exceptions.
@DavidEss I do agree, her mental illness is not an excuse to be mean to other people and hurt them because they don't agree with her.
@DavidEss The other problem is that while my dad knows that she is mentally ill, he makes a lot of excuses for her behavior
@Summershy
Yes, it affects the whole family. Is she mean to him too?
He's possibly feeling some irrational guilt that he isn't able to fix it for her. That's a complete guess, of course.
@DavidEss the excuse is, "She won't get help" and she has to be a danger to someone else or to herself. Yes, she is very mean to him as well. However, he is also very mean and very cold. He took interest in me growing up and I even heard him telling my mom once while in bed that he wanted nothing to do with me. My mom said, "She's your daughter." "No"
@Summershy
I'm so sorry to hear that. You missed out on having a father, and more than that, he missed out on having a wonderful daughter.
Actually I'm very angry with him. How dare he.
@DavidEss They were not divorced and he lived together, he actually said that about me behind my back. He, however, chose one of my sisters over the youngest and I and seemed to invite her everywhere. He was the meanest to my youngest sister and I. I did at one point finally confront him for that and he did apologize. However, he is known to be nice to your face in saying one thing and then badmouthing you to other people. I caught him doing to me on countless matters and I finally called him out on it but he got ugly with me when I did. Anyway, I am sure he gossiped about me to my middle sister, who is also very toxic, mean and difficult to be around, she said, "Dad doesn't owe you a thing." My family is very immature
@Summershy
That's an understatement. It sounds perfectly poisonous.
How much time do you give them nowadays?
@DavidEss Zero
@Summershy
Lol that's a bit too much.
When I was helping at an adoption charity I noticed that it was a two way process. Is there somewhere some people you can adopt as your parents?
They don't have to know, of course.
Maybe within your family, maybe outside?
@DavidEss My immediate family is very toxic and I have an aunt in my life who like a mom but she was toxic herself and soon burned her bridges with me as well. We fell out over a year ago and then she had a massive stroke over Christmas and died a month ago today. At the same time, my heart is broken.
@Summershy
I'm sorry for your losses, firstly, the grieving when you lost her as a friend, and secondly her death, which makes it, well, final. There's no sense to our emotions sometimes, but they need to be honoured nevertheless, I think.
any suggestions come to mind for your surrogate parents? - Prince Harry's taken, I'm afraid.
@DavidEss Yes, she and I had a mother-daughter relationship for a while as I attempted to replace my mother with her. However, she herself had a touch of mental illness as well as narcissism. She had the tendency to think she was right all the time and anyone who challenged her was an enemy. I have been connecting with a former friend of hers who is now like my friend and as my grandmother and she told me that my a lot of her friends had issues with her all well. Yet, she never owned up to any of her actions.
@Summershy
Nice. And sounds validating too.