I Don
I was young, he was my first. It was year 10 I was 15/16 and things started normal, I think. The regular circle of abuse started a few months after getting together. First by being very protective, then limiting my time with others, until ensuring I was never able to have a night away from him. We slept together the first time after 2 months and it was completely consensual. As time went on we had more sex more often and I kept mentioning I wanted to slow down, maybe not have sex that often and he would get offended and not take me seriously. Months went by and we were basically having sex every day, I hated it. A few months later we broke a condom, it was traumatic to say the least, at 16 you cant buy the morning after pill. I called my mom and we had things sorted out. I never became pregnant. One thing was I didnt want sex, he let it slide for a few weeks but as soon as I started birth control he wanted sex again. He became angry. We stayed together months after that. I wasnt allowed to even talk to my friends who were guys and after my mom did some asking around we learned that the reason I bled so much was because I would have been pregnant, telling him that only made him angrier. For months I would push him away, tell him I was tired, didnt feel like it, nothing was enough. He always got what he wanted. He always told me no one else could love me, I was lucky he put up with me. It took a long time to realize that it was abuse and rape, now Im trying to cope.
@Ginger278
Hi Ginger,
it sounds like a very bad first experience for you, and I'm so glad that your mother was there for you to help you get through it.
He sounds like he was very controlling and jealous, and you allowed that because - with a lot of gaslighting from him - you believed that you din't deserve anything better.
I'm hoping that you you are coming to understand that yes, you do deserve a LOT better than that. I'm wondering what strategies you have in place to decide whether a boy is deserving of your attention? I'm talking about things like speaking toan ex,or watching how he treats his family and friends, that kind of thing.
@Ginger278
I am glad that you have reached out here for support, and to talk about your experiences. That is a courageous first step, and is not easy for a lot of people to do. I think that you deserve to be in a healthy relationship, where you are treated with respect and dignity. I think in situations where people try to control others in the relationship, it is not a healthy or a positive thing, and it sounds like this is what happened in the relationship which you had, which you are speaking of. How do you feel that you can improve your relationships in the future? Do you feel that communicating your needs will be helpful, as well as being assertive and expressing what your certain preferences are? I don't think anyone should settle for anything less than a healthy, supportive relationship which is based on respect, and open communication.
On 7 Cups, as well as receiving support in this Trauma Community forum section, there is also a Relationships section which you may wish to check out here:
https://www.7cups.com/home/relationships/
I'm hoping that you can find the support which you need! There are multiple people in the groups who have gone through similar experiences that you have, who you will be able to connect with. Wishing you all the best.
