I am broken

I have suffered most of my 26 years of life from abuse. My mom, my friends, my boyfriends, and now my husband who has now been removed from my home. I’ve been raped by two guys who were my friends at the time. I look over my life and there’s so much pain and suffering. I have 3 babies I am trying to raise so I have been trying to heal but it’s a long process. I’m hurt and I’m angry. I didn’t set out to marry an abusive person. He was verbally abusive at first and it just progressed to him punching me. I have been diagnosed with C PTSD. I am broken. I am angry. I feel alone. I feel like garbage. I blame myself sometimes. I want to stop hearing his voice in my head. I want to stop doubting myself. I am in pain. But I have to stay strong for my babies who have suffered too. So they can heal. This is all disorganized but I’m typing all my thoughts out. They are chaos. I hope to feel truly free one day. From all of it.