I am broken
I have suffered most of my 26 years of life from abuse. My mom, my friends, my boyfriends, and now my husband who has now been removed from my home. I’ve been raped by two guys who were my friends at the time. I look over my life and there’s so much pain and suffering. I have 3 babies I am trying to raise so I have been trying to heal but it’s a long process. I’m hurt and I’m angry. I didn’t set out to marry an abusive person. He was verbally abusive at first and it just progressed to him punching me. I have been diagnosed with C PTSD. I am broken. I am angry. I feel alone. I feel like garbage. I blame myself sometimes. I want to stop hearing his voice in my head. I want to stop doubting myself. I am in pain. But I have to stay strong for my babies who have suffered too. So they can heal. This is all disorganized but I’m typing all my thoughts out. They are chaos. I hope to feel truly free one day. From all of it.
Keep yourself safe and healthy. Your children can't thrive in anyway if their primary Caregiver isn't safe and healthy. I went through the same with my abusive aunt. I'm not a woman, so I don't know if I fairly relate. But I know about hearing someone else's voice in your head. Have your own voice. Don't fight the other voices, just listen to yours. The other voices will always strive to tear you down. Only your voice can keep your compass oriented. And beware, the other voices WILL try to impersonate yours.
What has happened to you is NOT ok. However, you are a SURVIVOR! You will continue to survive. Find those who support you. Reject those that wish to control you. I hope this helps.
Stay Strong ✊🏿
Godspeed
Thank you for your words of encouragement I need this!
