I dreamt about my absuive ex
I dreamt about my abusive ex last night.
I am currently in an emotionally abusive relationship, just not the way you think. Its like of guilt trips, lots of gaslighting, lots of insecurity thats literally effects everything I do & say to/around him.. etc. hes not verbally abusive but he manipulates my feelings and makes me feel crazy. Hes sweet, just damaged, w anger issues and impulse lack of control. He never does what he say he will, and so on.
my ex was abusive sexually, emotionally, and verbally.
yet, I found myself dreaming about kissing him and having sex w him. I missed the sex. He used to forcibly have sex w me and tell me how whos gonna f**k you like this and I think it stuck.
yet I wanted to stay asleep. I pretended to be asleep as my boyfriend got ready for work very loudly and then kissed my forehead before he left.
Hes become increasingly distant. I left for four days and it feels like he didnt miss me as much as he says he did.
Why did I dream and prefer my ex to him? The one who trapped me in a room for 9 months, without contact or visitation w anyone at all? No one could even know where I lived!
whats wrong w me...
@Ivysleague2020 I read an article several months back that said something like this: People who have had previously traumatic or unhealthy relationships will seek conflict in new realtionships, even if there's nothing wrong. Which means, basically, that a person can become conditioned to the abuse, and whatever the familiar treatment is (even if it's toxic) seems normal. You look for it in new partners, or you seek new partners who misuse you in similar ways. It seems a lot of people struggle with this coming out of bad relationships. If you want to talk, Ivys, I'm just a message away!
@ZeppelinsOverhead I know this can be true but Ive spoken to my therapist and friends in great length about my new relationship & they told me he was absuive before I ever could admit it to myself.
the way he talks to me, the way he treats me.. I literally have to be silent all day and smile or I get lashed out on. And even when Im silent.. he needs resarruance for at least 10 minutes straight every hour that hes not doing anything wrong. He yells, snaps, gaslights me and my feelings.. having experienced abuse too many times I think I can recognize it again...
@Ivysleague2020 I see. Do you feel unsafe with him?
