I'm scared

I wrote the following sometime last year. I have been in a arranged marriage for over 15 months. The only reason the marriage went ahead is because my grandad had a heart attack before and was not sure if he would see his grandchildren get married. Me and my twin brother both got married for his sake, although my brother could not wait to get married. He is happy in his marriage. I wasn't ready to get married, commit to a relationship, settle down and possibly have children but it still went ahead. I told my family I was not ready but it still happened. Me and and my husband are in different countries. I live in England and he lives in Pakistan. The reason we are not together is because he can't apply for a spouse visa until I meet the minimum requirement of