Is it trauma?

Hi everyone

I'll try to make this short. I have a long history of depression. The other day was the 8 year anniversary of my suicide attempt and the 10 year of moving countries.

I've been having a lot of flashbacks about that time. The events that led to my suicide attempt, the unhealthy relationships I had at the time. I remembered a memory I'd forgotten about my friend's older brother who used to make pervy jokes and tell me I'd "better text my boyfriend to come save me because I don't want to be alone with him"

-- I immediately shut down and realized why the person's name has always made me uncomfortable. I'd forgotten him until now --

Then I was clearing out my hard drive and accidentally saw my old suicide notes and poetry.

I think I'm dissociating. I feel unreal and paralyzed.

Objectively I haven't suffered classic trauma so I feel out of place. But this also feels deeper than depression or panic.

Can anyone relate or validate my feelings of ptsd? I can't stop obsessing.