Its been a ride

It blows my mind to think about how far I've come. When I started this whole 'journey' let's say, I was having these intrusive images pop up as I would suddenly burst into tears. These fits would last for hours.

I would be on the bus, heartbroken, looking at all these different people and thinking "they dont know what I know." Because I thought I had finally solved the great question: "is life meaningful?" And the answer was "no." How sad it was, that all these people have not yet had experiences like I did, ones that awakened them to their own worthlessness. How sad it was that they still thought they had a chance.

Yeah, dark times indeed.

Then, I dated this girl for like a year. I thought she was going to be a good thing. Turns out she just emptied my bank account and controlled every aspect of my life. I felt like I lost all personhood and one tiny tap could shatter the shell I had become.

But then I left her...something inside me snapped...and this time it was in a good way.

I got fed up with being treated like shit. Instead of doing whatever someone wanted from me, I started to ask myself what I wanted to do. I decided that I deserve my own love. I realized that I was smart. And funny. And charming. And good-looking. I realized I deserve to be loved, and I'm a worthy person.

And now I'm grateful. I'm grateful that all that bullshit happened because it made me stronger than them.