Just need support

Today, Ive realized that I am a handful, a honest, loyal handful. My mood have been off the roof and its been really frustrating. I have been stuck in the same location over two years now and its very negative local bad for everyones health. . . physically and mentally.

2007-2008, I had Associate of Art (English Major) and yet I got a job at CVS, that drained me easily. The manager wanted to hire someone else, but they never showed up or called like I did, so I got the job. I met Tom, he was the first guy into me and chatted online for three months before meeting only living 8 miles away.
I got mono and got fired because I was in the hospital, but I do not want to deal with them ever. I also could not get ahold of Tom in the hospital.
In May 2008, we got back together and everything happen fast, before I knew it we were living together. He even got me my fur baby Mona a miniature calico kitty.

In 2009, I was going back and forth between tom and my moms house still helping my family with budgeting. I lost my grandma November 2011.

In 2010, My ex lost his dad, and I almost lost my brother (he had his second heart surgery and lost his leg)

By 2011, My cat Mona died; I think our neighbor let out rat poison, which is not right. I started having extreme female health issues. . . I had anemia from the heavy cycles and it was very painful. I was almost very moody.

By 2012, I started to really notice my depression issues. . . I missed my dads wedding because I couldnt get out of bed for a week. Tom would yell at me as he had his chores done, but I had not gone to grocery store or cleaned the dishes in over 6 days.

2013, My ex pushed moving (we had a nice apartment but his manager didnt like that I was helping him, so she made our lives very hard, she secretly wanted us out so she could move people she knew in, I hope she isnt there as that building was made for elderly and those with disabilities. My ex was partially blind and had thyroid issues.)
We moved in with my mom, brother, and uncle. Tom was given the cable bill, I just wish we had gotten wifi, but Tom wanted direct TV and At&T did not work in our area. It was very stressful as I still had female problems, pain, and moodiness. Tom and I also did not have a lot of private time. (However I did have kitties and they helped to a point).

End of 2014 to 2015, We lost my grandmas house as I had gotten her main bills in the black, but had no idea that her insurances did NOT cover all of her expenses and she owed over ten grand. . . laywers wouldnt even touch her will until we had money to play her medical bills. (My depression was very high. My ex and I sublease with another family. (I learned that I cannot handle living with others very well and became very inclusive, and my depression was even higher.)
My depression and anxiety was even worst when my mom and brother had to move to Texas as they had nowhere to go.
I also had my medical issues get worst, the pain was horrible and I had anemia from female issues so bad that I remember I couldnt even tell the hot from the cold when I wanted a shower once.
I couldnt be physically intimate with my ex (which one of his secret addictions) and I was so busy nursing myself that he found others that gave him intimate attention both through words and physically. (I hate to admit at first I thought I would have been ok for him to find other to release with, but truth be told, it made my panic attacks that he will leave me, and my depression even stronger.
I had him hang out with my bff from high school, but when I had a several panic attacks and tried to talk to her like she told me I could I was ruining her fun or happy time. However when we were in high school, I would talk her down from several panic attacks. I feel like she was only a friend when it was convenient for her. I do NOT need that in my life.

Sept 2015 My new stepmother was a prior nurse and she noticed that my lips were blue (sleep apnea), my skin was ghostly white (anemia from my female issues), and sometime I was not coherent at all. All I wanted him was hold my hand when I went to the doctors as they give me extreme anxiety. He wanted his own time. That is when I knew it was over between us, because he was talking to another girl with his own time. So I broke it off and lived with my dad, stepmother, two brothers and sister-in-law, plus cats and dogs. . . It was full house. My stepmother kept me busy having me go all over with her . . . grocery shopping, Walmart, etc. . . It was nice at first, it was so overwhelming that it was hard to focus on the break up or that fact that I was single now.
I will admit I was very grateful that my dads side took me in, but it was constantly too much. (I barely had down time. . . I was on paxil which gave me nightmares and dark thoughts I would never have thought about.)
Oct 2016, My stepmother had two opportunities to get foster babies (I knew the first girl, she did drugs, had mental issues and she secretly wanted a temporary babysitter until she could get temporary clean as I saw her pervious kids go through the cycle. My stepmother was pissed that I mentioned that. She didnt tell anyone about the second girl until a week before the baby was born. . . I have extreme anxiety with baby, fear of dropping them or hurting them.)
Im glad she got a foster daughter, but babies make me very anxious . . . with the paxil I was having panic attack and nightmares. . . (lack of good sleep). Then 9 days after we got her we get into a simple bumper to bumper car accident (enough impact for me to pull my shoulder holding the baby back.) My depression, anxiety and PTSD was so high I had a nervous breakdown and in the middle of suicidal panic attack my stepmother (who was supposed nurse) told me she didnt need my issues and to go to a homeless shelter (not a doctor). After that I seek anyway to get out of the house. . . as she didnt even want me to come to Thanksgiving that year. (I never felt so wronged and lonely in my life.)

Nov 2016 I did do something for me and I got therapist. I also made sure I got rides from friends (at the time) as I didnt want support from those who didnt really want to give it. My stepmother wanted to control everything and she was mad when I told her I didnt want her to take me. (By the way, I do not drive because car crash PTSD.)
During thanksgiving while I was with my mom who would support me, no matter what. . . I was called by my exs mom. He had a liver transplant in August of 2016, it was successful, but she could not take any more time off work and needed someone to help him with pills, meals and making sure the nurses that stopped by are doing their jobs.
This decision was NOT something I took lightly. He had hurt me, ruined me for those I trusted for support. I prayed on it, I lost sleep over it, I talked to my mom, my dad and yes even my stepmother.

December 2016 to January 2017. . . I was being the good sport and helped take care of him. It was the hardest six weeks of my life.
He had taken over 20 pills within 18 hours a day, I barely slept, between three meals, pills and I was doing the caregiving for three shifts.
I even went to therapy (only to find out that my stepmother kept calling my therapist who felt she was harassing him, which was one of the reasons I stopped going.)
I spent Christmas day in the hospital with Tom, I texted my dad and brother Merry Christmas. However I still did NOT feel I was wanted in that side of the family.
2017 New Years eve he had surgery over an issues they were supposed to have done in the original surgery. I tried to help comfort his mother as the surgery was a spur of the moment thing. My stepmother was yelling on texts and tried to text my therapist but it took him over a week to reply. My minutes were gone and I couldnt even call my mom for support. However because they opened him, he had an aggressive cancer that spread very fast, and he died on January 13th.

2017 to now I stayed with a friend, but between her father, uncle and her kids. . . there was so much drama; it was best for their built in babysitter to leave. (They are older kids, easier for me to deal with) It seemed that once my ex died all of our friends went their own away. . . I also found out that was bossy for most of them.
Im currently into a room with my mom, brother, and uncle. . . no kitchen, no bathtub and I cannot have a cat (even though it helps me with anxiety, depression and blood pressure). My space is very tight. Our land lord cares more about money than fixing anything and yells at us for standing outside or walking in her yard. I feel I am locked in the same room that I barely get out of except to do errands. . . I havent gone on a date in over a year and I have hung out with a friend in over two years. My depression has gotten so bad that I am instantly angry at everything and think that dark thoughts are better than trying to simply survive miserably.

I know I need a new place and new therapist, the third time the charm, right? (first one got harassed and the second one blamed hormones.)

Everyone says I am so strong but I feel very weak. I need new supportive friends.