Just over 8 years later and I'm still angry **Trigger warning**
This is about an ex boyfriend of mine from 2010. I've never told anyone everything that happened and I need to let it out.
He was an abusive bastard. We dated for a year and it was the worst of my life. We would fight every day. He controlled my money and isolated me from everyone in addition to beating me. I contemplated killing myself for awhile but I figured he'd find a way ruin that for me too.
The worst happened a week before I left him for good. It was the weekend and after I got home he offered me a drink. Things seemed fine and I thought it was gonna be a good night. Then I blacked out. When I woke up I was tied to the bed and he was pacing and yelling. He called me names and accused me of cheating. Told me he'd kill me if I ever left. I spent 2 days tied to that bed. He raped me, beat me, tortured me. He burned me with cigarettes and cut me down there. He is an absolute monster. After the 2 days all he had to say about it was that he hoped I'd 'learned my lesson'. And it still took me a week afterwards to leave for good. He raped me again and I just snapped.
I never reported what he did but I was able to get a restraining order and I haven't seen him since. I'm so mad at myself for not putting him in jail. I should have. I can't help but think of how many more me's there are now because I couldn't bring myself to tell or show the cops what he did.
I wish I could forget because I don't think I can forgive
@JR0617
OK, so as I se it this anger is with yourself as much as, maybe more than, with him. That's good, because it's "easier" to do something with yourself, to forgive yourself, than to forgive someone who has been so abusive and disrespectful for you.
The big difficult question:
what do you need to do first, in order to be able to drop the anger with yourself, and then to forgive yourself?