Just writing this, as if I am writing my abuser.
I really wish I didn't want to understand your brain, the where's and what's; the psychology behind anything you have done. You are a stranger to me, a monster, even. I really wish I had answers, & I hate my brain for posing so many questions. Because in reality, there is no excuse for what you have done to me, and I know I would never get the honest truth.. I just wish I could make it all go away. I want to live my life without thoughts or memories of you, erase you out of my world, like you tried to erase me from this earth. You haunt my thoughts, I feel nothing but shame for the horror YOU caused. I will never be able to forgive you.
Dearest @intergalacticpeach, I can totally relate to your words. I’m very sorry for what you’ve been put through. You know, I’ve been there myself and suffered horror to forget... but I did. It takes a lot o time, but it’s not impossible. Even now, I still struggle with panic syndrome due to ptsd. In my opinion, the human brain is programmed to try to find an explanation for everything, a relation cause-effect, we want, we need to know why things happened the way they did. Why us? Why certain people are the way they are? Etc. Unfortunately, most of those questions will remain unanswered... there are people who are simply just bad. No reason behind. Not their parents fault, or the system... They’re just bad seeds, full stop. I hope you find peace. Sending you all the best, my precious. Don’t let what others did to you define who you are, and try to move on. Your happiness is their poison. Hugs 🌹
Thank you CalmCake ♡ I'm sorry for the horror you have been though as well, but it is nice to not feel so alone.. I feel understood here. I look forward to learning and growing here. Your words mean more to me than you know, sending you all the best ♡♡ This community is so understanding and beautiful.. again, thank you.
You’re definitely not alone. I’m sincerely happy my words brought you some solace. Yes, 7 Cups is awesome. I came here in despair, because I suffered a relapse from meds withdrawal gone wrong. I’m a newbie! Whenever I feel I’m having a panic attack, I join a group chat and it somehow helps calm me down (which is not easy). I’m glad I found you. Again, wish you the best. Hope to see you around. 🌸
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