Life

It's been 15 years since the worst thing ever happened to me. And then bad things just kept happening. Since that first time, I always was seeking the worst kind of person out there to basically kill me. I liked getting hurt because it was the only time I was able to actually feel. I starting out cutting and then that just didnt work any more, and also my parents were getting worried about me and i didnt want to worry them. Then I started doing drugs to numb the pain but that only got me in an abusive relationship. I was in that relationship for 5 years and i never wanted to get out because i hated myself that much. I stayed with him after everything he did to me. Now that he is gone, i have to learn to "love myself " again and i dont really know how. i dont think i have since i was 12.