Misconceptions of Trauma; Self-Esteem (TW: misunderstanding of the big picture with trauma and what it actually is like)

I have the strangest, most tone deaf misconception of what it is like to be traumatized. I think it comes from consuming too much fiction where the characters have a lot of trauma but choose to recover and keep fighting and come back stronger than ever - and are praised, revered, and lauded by the audience here in the real world. During discussions they’ll often say things like how you can’t hate X character/X character is amazing because of their journey of recovery.

Here in the real world, I have struggled with low self esteem my whole entire life. From a young age, I convinced myself that I was the worst kid in the world because I could not make friends, and then because I lashed out at those who could, who had stable friendships and hobbies. I stopped lashing out afterwards but would still envy people who got things such as a major role in the school play or to talk about their achievements. I began to think that I did not have those things because I was a subpar person, and I’m not sure if I am correct or not - I have many hobbies now as well as achievements. And yet I am still convinced that my personality is mediocre.

Unfortunately, all this comes together to form an extremely incorrect thought: that if I too could acquire and heal from trauma - a really major one - it would be proof that my personality is not subpar because it means I have strength and courage and determination - all of which I long to develop but am convinced I don’t have.

Is this the right place to ask how I can develop these traits, or at least some positive ones? I almost feel inadequate because I know that if I were to be put through hell, I would give up and stay there. What did you do if you were convinced you were weak (which you are not)? How did you strengthen yourselves and how can I do that without trauma so I don’t have this twisted, tone deaf, incredibly rude thought anymore? I don’t like it at all, and it would be nice to think that I maybe had at least one positive quality.