Molested - My story....

I was 7 years old when I was molested. Seven. I was molested by my stepbrother who was 16 at the time. I remember my mom and step dad had left the house to go get pizza. My sister was upstairs and my brother was downstairs. My stepbrother and I were watching Spongebob and he asked me if I wanted to sit on his lap. I said sure, because what 7 year old doesn't want to sit on their big brothers lap? Then he stuck his hand down my pants and into my underwear. I froze. I sat there, scared and shocked. I remember after he did it hiding in my room under my desk. My mom and step dad came home and everyone was yelling because they couldn't find me. I wouldn't tell anyone for months. Fast forward 11 years to this summer. I see him at a funeral that I am attending as well. I have a panic attack. I start crying and shaking. I can't breathe but I stay seated. I keep my head down and don't let anyone touch me or try to console me. My family thought I was shaking a bunch because of the funeral. They didn't know that I was shaking and couldn't breathe because my attacker was 3 seats down from me. I don't like hugs. I don't like people touching me, not even my family members. I've never dated anyone because I refuse to trust them, because look where that got me last time. I have forgiven my attacker, with the help of God, but how to I start healing and letting people in again? It's like I stray away from happiness because I don't know how to feel emotions sometimes, like I am numb...