My Life is a Mess
So this is my first time being this open about this, but I feel safe enough to do so here. I was rape victim back in late July of last year. The person was coworker and a friend of mine, someone I thought I could trust. After what happened, and I reported the incident to the police, other coworkers found out what I was accusing this person of and about half the people I worked with turned their backs on me. I had very few friends, I spoke with management but nothing really came out of it, the cops didn't do much and I eventually had to quit my job because of the stress of the situation. I tried finding a new job, but got fired and my boyfriend and I fought constantly. He knew what had happened and started out supportive and kind and then became frustrated because he didn't know what else to do to help. I became angry and resentful, pushing everyone away. I became anorexic and developed insomnia. At the end of May thins year, I finally sought help and have drastically improved since then. I have a new job, I'm up and cleaning the house, I spend time with the friends I have left and I've found some new hobbies. However, my boyfriend just told me last night that he is considering leaving me. It seems that I got better too late.. he says everything that happened put a major toll on him as well and he's not sure he has the time or energy to fight for us despite his claim that he still loves me. He just says he's not happy.. but I'm so much better now. I'm the woman I want to be and I thought that he wanted the same things.. I don't get it.. I feel sad and lost.. I'm still proud of myself.. but I don't want to lose this relationship. I don't know what to do..
Hi there Harmony,
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I'm so sorry for what has happened to you. You're so brave and you should be proud of how you come out of this awful situation.
Unfortunately, some people can't handle when their partner has troubling issues. It can affect everyone differently. Try sitting down with him and explaining that you feel so much better and perhaps you can start again. Do little things together....walks, bake things, go to places. Stuff that form a bond and are fun to do together.
Thank you Lucym88. I spoke with a listener yesterday and my boyfriend and I saw my therapist today, and I got very similar advice. It sounds like starting over and starting small is a good place to start. I hope eventually he will come to understand that I am not the broken, hopeless girl that I was a few months ago. I have grown from this and I'm getting better everday. I just want want him to see that too.
@Harmony013
One of the things about a damaged relationship is that there's a lot of baggage that gets carried over. Even if you can't help it, it's easy to keep holding on to resentment and other negative feelings if you aren't aware of them.
Here's a really good Harvard Business Review article on repairing damaged professional relationships but I think it also applies to personal ones :)
Psychology Today also has a good piece on this.
The main takeaways is that you can "reset" a relationship and work on the things you both need to improve but only if both parties are still willing to do so. Setting clear expectations and acknowledging the previous faults and then addressing them can be a great way to overcome the relationship's past.
Best of luck!!
Thank you, AdVictoriam. I will definitely read the articles and run some ideas by my boyfriend tonight. I don't think he believes resetting is possible, but I'm confident there is a way. If he still loves me like he says he does, I hope he is willing to give it a shot.