Never saw it coming
Back In June of 2011 I was 3 months pregnant with my son. An ex of mine wasn't happy to see me with child. He never showed Signs of being upset. I bumpbed into him he told me to come upstairs for some water. I didn't think anything of it. I was pregnant it was hot out. When I got upstairs he gave me water. I drank it then I felt sick and threw up in the bathroom. He held my hair back. When I stood up he grabbed my hair slammed my head into a wall . I blacked out . When I finally woke up I was tied to a chair with cable wires and gagged with a shirt and belt. He was yelling at me that because I never gave him a child he was going to kill the one I was carrying. He then went into the kitchen He came back with a butterknif and pressed it hard on my shoulder. It was so hot I screamed He punched me in the face said if I screamed again I was dead. He continued this until my skin on my shoulder was peeling off. Then he grabbed what I believe was a metal table leg and smacked me so hard in my head I passed out again. When I woke up I couldn't move I was tied to his bed. He then rapped me ananlly for 34 hrs and then vaginally for 3 more hours. I didn't eat or drink anything the entire time he had me hostage. I remember passing out again. Next thing I remember is some guy was asking me if I was ok the cops found me behind the local supermarket. I'm have PTSD because of it I have flash backs I still have nightmares
:(
How are you doing?
Some days I feel good then theres those days where everything makes me jump out of my skin. I freak out when my kids come from behind me and try to hug me. If it gets to crowded at my job I have panic attacks. I just want to be myself again.
I hope you can find safety and healing here. We are here for you.
Thank you. A friend of mine told me about this app. I tried going to therapy but the woman basically blamed me for the entire thing. I became very suicidal after I had my son.
What happened did not sound like your fault at all! :(
That's what I told her. She said that I must have done something to him for him to do that to me. That no one just decides to hurt their ex while they are pregnant. I left and never went back and I reported her. I'm scared to go back to therapy but I know I need to. I'm just scared that my mom will use it against me to take my kids away and I could never survive loosing them. I feel like no matter what I do he's still there watching waiting to finish what he started. My mother tells me get over it. That's it over and done with. My sons father left me because I wasn't the happy person I used to be and that all he saw when he looked at me was a victim who couldn't protect herself against an ex.
I never understood therapists... I get better insight just hanging out with friends, sharing stories and just talking about life over some person who is there somewhat judging me for my actions.
Oh my goodness!! I cannot BELIEVE this therapist said this to you!! Well done on reporting her....that was a courageous thing to do, and the right thing!! There is absolutely NOTHING you could have done, no matter what it was, to justify what he did to you. What he did was absolutely horrible and unforgivable. Even if you DID do something to make him mad, it doesn't matter!! Humans make each other mad all the time....that doesn't mean the response of severely abusing someone.
I am seriously flabbergasted that ANYONE would say this to you in this situation, let alone a professional. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I had a good experience with therapy myself but I've talked to lots of people who haven't. I think it can be hard to find a good therapist you identify with, but for me the one I had did really help me. I hope you'll find one that's right for you. <3
Seriously? What was her logic/reasoning to say it was your fault?
She said I must of made him angry. That if I didnt do anything to upset him he wouldn't have attacked me the way he did. I felt she was trying to say I deserved what happened
I feel like he should probably be in therapy. How quickly that escalated without warning, or even talks prior to the event.
HellolimeCake1576,
What you went through was an absolute nightmare, there is no doubt about it as well as the therapist you are talking about was everything but a therapist. To me you did well to report that person.
You said that you are aware that you need therapy despite the fact that you went through a very bad experience with that therapist, I see that awareness as a huge strength. Maybe you could try to find a therapist who is specialized in PTSD, and maybe you could google EMDR if you don't know what it is (a therapy technic that can very efficiently help you work out flashbacks and traumas with many people).
I am going to EMDR therapy and for my part it works extremely well, memories don't go of course but most of the pain disappears step by step through that technique, even if it can be hard while being processed.
Hopefully all that can give you hope. I wish you the very best on your healing path :)
Gilles
The therapist, in my lowly opinion, should have been there to heal, which is the job of therapists, not further the abuse by giving you blame. The circumstances were out of your control, and you could not have avoided it without prior knowledge. How could you have known? Did the man even know himself that he was going to act out that way? You are not to blame. You are not at fault. Don't ever let anyone, or even yourself, believe that way.
There is so much pain in this world, and what happened to you is part of a very global issue. It is one of aggression, dominance, ignorance, and cruelty. That man, whoever he is, and wherever he may be now, is, in my opinion, truly, sincerely, has flaws in thinking and in action, and you are scarred now by his actions, but know this: you survived. You have survived, and you will persevere, at least for your children, you will. I know this in my heart to be true, and I believe you know so, too.
What can you do now?
You may discuss your experiences with many of the wonderful listeners on this site. You may educate yourself by obtaining as much information about abuse as possible, and work hard in educating others and preventing future abuse. You will find healing in knowing that your work has saved others from a similar fate.
As for the man, I know deeply, painfully, that you are hurt by him, that you've now been made to fear even the touch of your child, that you may never find peace in yourself. But, miss, seek your heart out, and try to find forgiveness for him if you can, for even the worst of humanity deserve our love. There is healing in doing so. Whether or not he changes, you've done your part, and it is over. You can finally move on and become something more. Don't look back, miss. Take your time to find all the healing you need now, but do not let what happened hold you back from peace. I cannot let myself believe that even the worst of people are unforgivable, therefore I cast no stone and only try to see it for what it is. :(
