Realisation of my reality
It takes a lot to get to the point of dealing with the issues that brought me here. Even now, I can feel the need to quench down the readiness to verbalise my past traumas. But I must, I know I have to. I need to purge the feeling like I'm alone in all of this and I'm pretty much ready for that now. It's calming to think I can free the pain, it's scary to feel like I'm about to do something I've avoided for 30years. I take a breath and release that coil of pent up anxiety clawing at my throat. For too long I have kept quiet, only now reaping that, despite my strong will to not be affected. I AM. So today I will purge the humiliation, the betrayal, the anger and the weakness. I hope I will be stronger for it, I know I will feel vulnerable doing it and most importantly, I know it's ok to be vulnerable. It won't break me to let it out, I will be able to put myself back together again. Yes, something will be left behind, a little piece of the damaged me.
@Lollyx - It must have taken a lot of courage to reach the point where you are now. I can understand that it must be scary. To have avoided things so long and now to feel that you are ready to face them. It sounds like you have already grown a lot. And remember that we can only show courage when we are scared. I also want to remind you that you don't have to tackle this whole thing at once. It's okay to take small steps and to rest in between. Do not force yourself to take bigger steps than what you are ready for. If we handle ourselves with care and respect for our limitations, we can handle more for longer. But pushing ourselves too much ends us up in despair and discouragement. I wish you well.
