Recovery is the hardest part!

I remember wanting shows like law and order special victims unit or CSI growing up and I used to say I could never imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes...well I can now say I wish I never found out. this year has been the roughest year of my life!! My husband brother died from a very tragic accident and i wanted to do something fun to cheer him up we hadnt been to a party in a very long time and I wanted him to feel at ease and not think about the loss he had just suffered.... turns out that would end up being my dumbest decision of my life. My husband wasnt feeling well and I wanted to stay at the party catch up with old friends hang out drink have a good time. Well I drank more then I should have and was raped... my childhood friends little brother raped me because he always had a crush on me... i havent been the same since then I think everyday about how I could have prevented it what I should have done. Its been about a year and I still struggle to get out of bed just to go to work, I still struggle with going to the store alone, I still struggle with going out and being in social situations. But I am thankful for my husband who helps me as much as he can when I know he is suffering from this and the loss of his brother. We try not to talk about what happened just cause it he feels like its his fault and I disagree... its hard to bottle up how Im feeling and put on a fake smile for all my friends and family when really I just want to break down and cry!