Sexual and Emotional Abuse

I feel like I have a lot to say about my past even though I've relived most of it in therapy and on here. Sometimes I just want to talk and talk and talk but can't.

My parents were very talkative and never believed I was sexually abused.

Now I get to be a listener on here and help people with specifically traumatic experiences like sexual and emotional abuse. It's been a great help for me.

It happened before my memory had formed. Now all that exists is the emotional wounds. I have flashbacks too. I know it happened even though the rest of my family denies it. It's very painful to remember everything. I still have panic attacks and depression and am on meds for a "mental illness" (schizoaffective).

I have financial problems because of it, problems with my family, social anxiety, and all types of hidden phobias, but the positives about it -- it has made me a very empathetic, caring person. I know what suffering is. I also can help people with trauma in their lives which makes me feel very good.

Some things I look forward to having in the future -- a car, money, maybe a house, a girlfriend, a job. There's a lot of stigma around sexual abuse and there's a lot of stigma around mental illness. I want to help people who have been through it because it really is a pretty disgusting feeling to be sexually abused as a child.

It helps me to help people who have been through it too. I just wish it wasn't so hard and there was more help for people like me, but 7cups is a great start. I know I will get better in the future.

I want to find that little child again within myself and tell him everything is going to be ok and the bad people can't hurt you anymore. I know I'll be doing that soon. And then who knows what's on the horizon!?