Share your story. (Sexual harassment, abuse, and assault) (No Judgment)

This is the first time I've ever shared my story, but I suppose it's time... About a year ago I got into a relationship. He was 18 and I was 17, and I was incredibly young and naive. Up until that point I had never been in a real relationship and I thought only the world of him. He was sensitive to how I felt, and we both had similar problems, like anxiety and depression that I thought would bring us closer together. He also had incredible and uncontrollable mood swings that came on without warning. I loved him so I was there for all of them. I would comfort him and try to keep him from killing himself one day to getting screamed at the next in one of his rages. I never argued with him or incited his anger, but I would be the one to suffer. He gradually became angrier and his rages became more common as our relationship progressed. I remember that he would yell at me for the smallest things, like texting other people or making plans without him. He would point out all my flaws and insecurities and mock my goals and fears. He became controlling and possessive and I was scared. But I stayed with him despite that. I still thought the world of him and that somewhere, deep inside, he had a heart and would turn back into his caring, gentle self. He never did though. He only got worse. Eventually he began to physically abuse me. It started as slaps and progressively got worse and worse. He would burn me, hit me, choke me, and kick me. I was too scared at this point to leave him though. I became incredibly depressed and reckless. I had nightmares and problems sleeping so I abused sleeping medication. I've only recently became clean. He had literally controlled all aspects of my life. There was only one thing I remained firm about and it was that I didn't want sex. It was the only thing I ever fought him about. I didn't want to lose my virginity to him, and he became impatient with me. It was the cause of many of his physical rages towards me. One day he completely lost control though. It was an argument like ones we've had before. He got angrier and angrier and eventually became abusive. Usually during these moments I hid away in the bathroom to let us both calm down. I usually took some meds to help, which in turn made me tired. I got away and hid in the bathroom so he would calm down, but he followed me and dragged me out and pushed me to the ground. He held my arms down and violated me... I remember during the act I sort of became disconnected to the world and felt just numb and in shock. I tried to fight him but I don't know if it was the drugs I took or him, but I just couldn't fight. I just submitted myself to him. I feel nothing but shame and disgust now. After this I finally left him. I told him I would call the cops if I ever saw him again. For months though he still stalked me and sent me aweful messages and voicemails. I was scared constantly. He told all my friends that I was a whore and slut and turned them against me. I never said anything about what really happened. I was completely alone. I haven't recovered since at all. I still have nightmares and panic attacks daily, I can't cope with normal stresses everyone else can, I can't even watch certain movies or shows or even read the newspaper at times because I'm constantly reminded and forced to go through the pain again, and I can't even have sex with my boyfriend without crying and freaking out. It pains me that others have gone through this as well. I just hope this helps. I think it helped me to open up.

I have just put the newest stories on the website. Thank you so much for the support. Please, keep sharing!.

Okay so. This weekend just passed I was sleeping over at a friends place but she lives with her boyfriend which is fine, I thought he was a nice guy and everything until we went to bed, I had fallen asleep on their bed with my friend in the middle (I'll call her Jamie for this) and her bf on the other side (I'll call him Blake) and it was all fine until like half way through the night when Blake had swapped places with Jamie making him be in the middle which woke me up but I couldn't fall back asleep because he had started running his hands over my torso and by that point I had my arms firmly crossed against my chest because I didn't want anything to happen, I was really freaked out but he kept trying to move my arms and kept trying to move my arms and slid his hand underneath softly not trying to "wake" me up, but it progressed like that for probably an hour of me moving away from him and him gently dragging me back against his body, I didn't think he knew I was aware the whole time but I am literally petrified that whole time, my body was violently shaking from how scared I was but he just thought I was cold becasuse he kept wrapping the blanket around me but then he would pull it off me moments later so I would start shaking again which he then would drag me back against him so he could spoon me instead. In that moment I freaked out and thought about why he didn't turn around and cuddle up with Jamie or something but no matter how much he progressed I couldn't even fight back.. I was completely terrified that I tried not to move but while looking back on it now I just wish I had just spoke up and said no and moved completely away from him but I remember thinking that if I just ignore him, he would go away and forget about it, I was wrong... He had started using his leg separate mine and to rub it against my privates which I'm positively assuming to try and "work me up" but when he had stopped that and moved his leg away, he had put his hand on my hip and I had moved away and crawled onto my stomach (slowly and sleepily to try and convince him, still hoping he would leave me alone) Yet like all the other times he had just tried dragging me back against him and he then began pulling on my arm to move me close to him but I wasn't moving so he finally asked me to move closer which I freaked out because I thought he had known I was awake the whole time and I was incredibly embarrassed so I just again, stupidly and completely terrifiedly did what he asked as he then began getting a little bit more assertive now that he had "woken" me up, he touch my breast and my nipples unwillingly stiffening them up which he took that as me being turned on... And continued touching me, I hardly said a word, I was still just so mortified and terrified by the whole ordeal that I couldn't get angry/aggressive enough to fight back which really kills me now because I just let him play with my body.. He stuck his fingers in me which actually really hurt as he attempted to rub me... He also kissed me more then once which I am completely ashamed. I completely loath him and myself for the things I let him do to me... But I really couldn't feel much of anything, I was so numb, all I could feel was pure shame, embarrassment, fear and anger, with myself.. With him, with the whole situation, I hated every second of it. And I know he didn't mistake me for Jamie because he told me I was too hot to be a virgin, he also said that Jamie had slept with another guy at the start of the relationship, (which I severely doubt) and he also wanted me to make moves on Jamie because we are both bisexual.. And he touched me again in the morning when Jamie had gone to make him a coffee. I feel like she knows somethings up because she pretty much walked in on us with his hand down my pants in which I just couldn't fight back and I regret every millisecond of ever being in the same room as him. But I don't want her to hate me .. I don't want her to feel like I wanted any if it even though I was manipulated inti touching him too.... I want to scrub my entire body clean from him. I feel empty and disgusted by him and mostly myself. To make matters worse. Jamie and I go to the same school and see each other everyday.... She hasn't acted any less then usual but I still feel so fucking guilty and petrified and disgusted.. I just want it all to go away.. I don't know what to do either because I feel unbelievably horrible for keeping it from her but then I don't want her to hate me, or feel disgusted by me... I never want to do that again. Hell, I didn't even want to do it first time...

2 years ago after a recent breakup, my friends decided to cheer me up by having a small house party. I was an emotional wreck during the party and kept breaking down crying so I ended up drinking too much in attempt to stop, i drank so much that I needed to carry around a basin with me in case I was going to puke. We were lying on the sofas watching a movie and I was cuddling with my male best friend (as we usually did) and i started to fall asleep. I was woken up a little later when the room was in darkness and everyone was asleep. I felt a hand on my breast. I moved it away in my drunken/half asleep state and tried to go back to sleep but he kept putting his hand back and grabbing me. He then put his hands into my underwear. I kept pushing his hand away and saying "No" while trying not to wake everyone else up. He then forcefully put my hand onto him and moved my hand while I tried to get away. It didnt go further than that but the next morning was the worst morning of my life. I felt completely betrayed by the only person that I thought was really there for me. The only think I could think of for the entire day was running out into the sea and drowning myself. I felt disgusting. I felt stupid. I tried to pretend that it was ok because I just wanted away from him. I could tell he knew he'd done wrong. When I was saying goodbye to him he said he was so sorry and I stupidly said it was ok and hugged him which made me want to puke. That was the last time I spoke to him. He then proceeded to lie to all of our friends and made them hate me and told me I was a liar. I lost a big group of friends. Everyone hated me for it. I have to see him every day in school. I can feel him staring at me every time we're in the same room. The few friends I have left are friends with him so I have no escape. No one believed me. Why would I want to lose my best friend? Why would I lie about it

Thank you all so much for sharing. I am so so so sorry that it has taken me this long to respond. I have been dealing with a similar situation. I am sorry you have all had to endure this. Be proud of yourselves for sharing. I know I am. I love you guys all so much. You don't deserve this one bit.

Growing up I lived way out in the country where there wasn't many people my age except for a few boys that I never hung out with. 1 of those boys lived a mile away and his older brother was friends with my brother so they were around all the time growing up.They even called my mom "mom". One day when I was home alone the younger one came over to basketball in my driveway. I went out to play with him & he was getting real physical in like a flirty way. I always thought he was cute but he never paid any attention to me. I thought he thought I was ugly. He never acknowled me at school bc he was popular & I wasn't. But when we were done with basketball he asked me if I wanted to go for a bike ride through his dirt bike path in the woods between our houses. We get about halfway and he stops at this opening. He tried to get me to kiss him & touch him. Kept sticking his hands up my shirt& down my pants. I kept pulling away and saying I didn't want to. He told me if I didn't he won't ride with me back to my house. i was about 12 at the time so I didn't want to ride through the woods at night by myself & gave in. after that he started showing up at my house when I was alone bc my mom was always out drinking & my dad didn't live with us. He would plug my nose and hold me down. I would fight to get away for over an hour before I'd just give up and let him do what he wanted. That lasted for atleast 2 years. I felt it was my fault. I could have stopped him by hurting him or biting him.

After prom, my boyfriend asked if I wanted to go back to his house. I said no. I fell asleep in the car, and he aparently told his friend to drive us to his house. I woke up, and we were there. He said we were just getting his car so he could drive me home. We got in the car, and he asked if I wanted to park somewhere, I said that I didn't know. He drove us to a park, and asked me to get in the back seat. So I did. He took off my dress, and let his hands wander. I started pulling away, but then I stopped. He asked if he should take off his clothes. I said that he could if he wanted to, but that I needed to get home soon. He takes off his clothes, and asks for a handjob. I reluctantly give him one. He askes about a blowjob. I say no, that I'm not comfortable with it. I said no maybe 6 times. He kept telling me to just try it. I am shaking at this point, but I do it anyways because he wasn't taking no for an answer. He starts forcing me to deepthroat by shoving my head down, and pulling my hair. I was shaking still, but at this point, I was also crying. I stopped, and told him I couldnt breathe. He told me to keep going. I told him that I was done. He was kind of irritated. He asks if he can go down on me, and I say no. To just take me home. He instantly senses something is wrong, and keeps asking if I was okay with what we just did. I lied, and said yes. I eventually broke up with him, and somehow people found out about that night. He keeps asking me if it was consentual, because he doesn't want to be charged with sodomy. Plus, he's a legal adult. So, he'd get in more trouble. He didn't even care that I was crying and saying no, but he was still pressuring it. I don't think I've ever been so upset.

I just thought I'd finally post my story.