Standing my ground *trigger warning*

"Standing my ground" - (c) Me

needles, lighters, don't bring up those past fighters,
seeing reality while looking for immortality,
in something that could ki*ll you,
or sometimes fulfill too.

as I hung up the no*ose,
made sure it wasn't too loose.
Suddenly a plate stood before me,
crushed up stones looking like snow,
glittering and glimmering,
catching my eye, changing my life.

Like a person jumping from a burning building,
drugs is my net, and nothing has as of yet;
been able to help me as much as being in this steady roulette.
Because I'm cursed if I don't and I'm cursed if I do.
Putting poisons in my intestines, to cope with I've gone through.

but I'm not asking for your weeping, nor your sympathy,
all I'm asking is understanding of the person in this symphony,
because I'm writing with rhythm and I'm writing with notes,
but it's different what I'm hearing in mine to all these other folk,

I'm not begging for forgiveness, though I used to be,
I used to plead and beg and ask for them too see,
begging them to let me know that it is okay just to be me.
because everyone always told me what I needed to be,
what I needed to feel, what I needed to do, then told be "boho",
stop crying wipe your tears and your ass and go back to school.

I was mentally tortured for years I endured.
held down, screamed at until I believed what they said,
they said I was a hag, they called me a whore, they told me I was psycho from the second I was born. They told me I needed help and that I was mentally challenged, they told me all the abuse was my fault and I believed them because they were my parents.

or at least they should have been,
and I faulted myself for letting them in,
into my head where they poked and prodded,
as they held me down, I fought for my life.
But I had fought for so long.

and my knees had weakened

I was exhausted beyond word

and I fell into an even darker world

but then suddenly I woke up,
I screamed and my mind started back up,
I had finally had my breakthrough,
smacked with a pan straight out of the blue,
maybe to the drugs in my system a uncoordinated brew.

but why has no matter,
somehow it was,
that I could finally rise and climb back up.

But I used all my power,
so now I'm devoured,
but I am not weak,
I may be scared and bleek,
but I have never been anything other than strong,
lets all go along,
take each others hands and try to move on,
together we can conquer death,
and life can be prolonged.

(c) By me - /https://allpoetry.com/poem/15677817-Standing-my-ground-by-ThatWeirdKid-adult (anonomous poetry webbsite not an ad) (c)

Any and all comments are welcome. Iäm really proud of it! :) <3