Stillborn son, my baby angel

Today was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, but now it's probably the most painful. My son was supposed to be born today. I was 8 months pregnant when I couldn't get my little boy to move. Sometimes it happens and they don't move all the time, but I knew something was wrong. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks on April 1st, 2019 and it was the hardest pain I ever had to feel. I never talked about it. I just kept it inside and closed off from everyone. I never imagined I'd lose my son. His heart gave out and they couldn't find a reason. He was perfect. Everything was fully developed. He wasn't supposed to die and now that he's gone I'm just lost. I can't find a reason to wake up or to put effort in anything anymore. I can't be myself anymore. I just keep reliving that day and wishing I'd gone to the hospital sooner. Wishing there was some sort of warning that something was wrong.. I can't feel anymore and everyday gets worse. I lost my sweet angel on February 1st, 2020 just a few days before my birthday. I never imagined I'd see perfection in this world, but I have and never will again. It's been two months and it seems like everyone's already forgotten my sweet angel and it hurts so bad. No one knows what to say so they say nothing. I've never felt so empty inside. Some days I'd rather just be dead.