The Road to Recovery, and beyond...

"When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, you can let it destroy you or you can let it strengthenyou." I was about 8 years old when I was first sexually abused, and about 18 years when I first walked in my therapists office.It was a warm Novemeber day when I travelled across town to a unknown coffee shop where I sat in the corner reading a book. My eyes gazed eagerly at the herds of women waltzedinto the shop, and when I was not looking, my therapist walked right in. Its funny, I remember everything about that day. We were seated at a corner table, looking at me she knew I was nervous and gave me my first peace of advice, "Green Tea Soothes the nerves, try some!" And that is where it all began! My therapist, was a young woman, not too much older than myself, she had good skin and a calming aura about her. After talking a little, signing some contracts and dealing with the matters of money, we jumped to the matters at hand..

The next session and every time since, I visited my therapist at her home office, private practice where I would perch myself below the window on the hard wood floor and we would dive into the horrifying, terrifying and totally unreal aspects of my sad, pathetic, totally scary past. My therapist, "Dr S" as I refer to her was a woman of mystery, she was open minded, flexible and just life altering.. Although in the first meeting itself, she knew about my reasons for seeking her out, it was not until 5-6 months later that the real work began.. The initial few months were spent working on "Feelings." Yes, I said it, feelings.. You'd think it would be easy to identify what you feel, but for me it was a task, and a rough one at that! But once the initial phase was completed and we built a delicate, intricate and strong relationship the real work began..

Dr S and I met often in the initial few months of our sessions.. I would take an early bus to see her, following our sessions I would return, tired, uncertain and many a times in tears. Be it late night messages or undecided phone calls, I was able to access and contact my therapist at any given point through any means seen fit. One of the important aspects of therapy I realize today, is availability. For me being the way I was, shy, reserved, uncertain and rather introverted when it came to matters of self and emotions, It was hard to convey to others beyond the realm of therapy the situations I was within. The therapist and I worked together for almost a year, following which she terminated temporarily to deliver her baby boy, whom at first I was rather jealous of for "Taking her away from me." However, with time, space and reasoning I came to forgive myself for the negative thoughts I had and look at my therapist through different eyes.

Your therapist is your friend, your confident, your one person who might know things no one else might know about you, however when the session is over and the day comes to a close, they too must resume their lives just as we would. One of the most important things I found on her website, was that therapy is a two way street, a two way relationship between therapist and client. The therapist is there to act as a catalyst, who challeneges you in ways you didn't know possible and support you as you walk through dark and gloomy roads.

Three years ago, my therapist and I were complete strangers, unknown, uncertain and on the brinks of a new relationship. We met three years ago at a cafe, and ever since our relationship has grown. Today, I have deep respect, immense gratitude and ever loving kindness towards the woman who was my mother when a mother, i did not have. She was my friend, my therapist, my guardian angel. She is the reason I seek to be a Marriage and Family Therapist and the reason I continue to walk further into the field o Helping professionals.Three years ago, my therapist and I talked every week and had sessions every 2 weeks, today and for the past year, we have had sessions had sessions at 6 month intervals.

At one point in my life she was my world, my only rock, and my only pillar of support. She was the one who lifted me up when I fell and carried me to safety when I was in danger. The Road to Recovery is not simple. For me it began at 18 and has continued for almost 4 years now. Therapy was one important, key aspect of my life, where today it is one small, but ever significant aspect, a safety net of sorts I know I can fall back upon. Trauma and traumatic experiences are those which are most usually unforessen- rape, abuse, accidents, natural disasters, unnatural deaths are all means of experiencing trauma. Recovery is not a short process but requires time, skill, energy and most of all devotion and openenessto the experiences. Trauma was the cause of my pain and sufferring, trauma was the cause of my relationship with an amazing woman, trauma was the cause of my continuing journey into the Mental Health field and Trauma is the reason I am me today.

It takes much time and healing, but one day you realize the traumatic experiences don't define you, they are merely a part of you. My road to recovery and beyond began almost 5 years ago, and today it is the experiences that have led me to the path I follow today. Trauma allowed me to discover who I am, my potential and my reasons for existance. It taught me of my dedication to the cause and to my empathy and regard for others who experience such experiences and the same. My trauma allowed my to define myself, but my trauma is NOT me.

Trauma led me to the road of personal growth. It taught me to feel, to share, to express. It taught me to build strong, ever lasting, honest relationships. Trauma took who I was, and moldedit to make me who I am. I cannot say that I am "grateful or thankful" for undergoing the trauma I went through, but I am certain that without trauma, I would not be, me.

"Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we are going."