The whole story
I'm currently 15 and when I was 5 years old, I was nearly choked to death in my school bathroom by another girl two years older than me. I don't know why she choked me, I don't even remember knowing her. And you would think school would be the best place for a 5 yr old because they have yet to know bullying, smoking, drugs, or guys. They only have happiness and friends. That day still affects me to this day. What's worse is my parents (mostly my mom, I don't think my dad knows) that say that I'm being overdramatic about me remembering this girl and hating her, about how I let it affect me so much, that I just need to let it go. Well I can't because I can't help it that everytime I hear the word "choke" or see someone on tv being choked I instantly remember that she, that girl, looked like she was never going to stop until someone showed up, which thankfully someone did! But what's worse is the thought I have when I remember that moment. I didn't see what happened through my own eyes, I see myself in those memories like the girl had already killed me before someone showed up and I was a ghost, I'm sorry if that sounds crazy, but I can't help it when I remember that event I think I've died and all the things from then on where just an illusion. My friends and family just know that I've been choked to near death when I was young, but they didn't know everything else. It's been bothering me for so long to share this with someone...anyone.
@bunnielover948
Hey, well done. You've shared it, and I hear you. It sounds an incredibly traumatic memory, and I wonder how you might be able to leave it behind, and be less triggered by any words that take you back to that moment.
I think it's very easy to let the mind wander to what might have happened. Like driving past after a car accident and thinking, 'if I'd been five minutes earlier that could have been me'. I accept your experience was much more real, in terms of you're left with these vivid and frightening memories of it. But do try to hold on to the fact you survived. You're safe now. That girl can't hurt you again.
And keep reinforcing that, if you find yourself triggered. Ground yourself back into the reality. 'I survived, I'm safe now, that girl can't hurt me again'. I hope one day you'll be able to leave the pain of this memory behind. As a five year old, it wasn't your fault, and you don't deserve to have to carry the burden of it any longer.
Sorry to hear that you've been bullied in this way. I, too, have been a victim of bullying, and for me, it has been persistent and continual. I know it is a challenging experience, and I can relate. I wish you a good recovery.
