Things will only get better they said.

This guy can play, it is so beautiful! His music resonates with my body and soul.

I was about to go meet my friends from England that arrived to Amsterdam tonight when I received a phonecall from an old friend. She sounded upset and asked if I could please pick up her daughter and grandchildren in another town. They were having a party and something had happend and they needed some help to get home.

This friend and her 2 kids lived with me 15 years ago. They were about to get homeless and I had enough room to put them. My kids are about the same age as hers so it worked out well.

Her daughter had a baby at 15 and another one at 19. She is 20 now. Great kids by the way.

Anyways, my friend was upset so I went to this other town to pick them up. This girl was beaten up really bad by her boyfriend, she was al black and blue. The police had come but decided that she needed help for mental issues, not him. They found his drugs on the table and threatened to take her kids.

When I arrived both him and the police had left so I got her and her two kids and some stuff and brought them back to her moms. She was sharing some of her story with me and I had a very hard time not to break down and cry right there. I felt so angry and frustrated.

I dropped her off and then drove to meet my friends that arrived from England today. I fell into her arms and just cried. We ended up having a lovely rest of the night but it really hit me.

Her mom is texting me and is upset too. Worried she will not really leave him but go back when she can. It is heartbreaking.

I just had to get this of my chest. I am not sure if it is yet, it still sucks! This was my little girl too for a while, I find this hard to digest.

Her kids sleep over a lot when my girls babysit. they are so awesome, these 2. This is just so wrong!

Oh my God, I just had the worst scare ever! I have locked myself in my room and I am really scared.

I was downstairs in my pj and sat in my comfy chair writing somethings down. When suddenly I saw 2 men looking inside staring at me!

I have a house with a fenced garden! They were on the other side of the fence standing on something because it is a high fence.

I feel so violated and I am scared. It triggered something from my past too and I am shaking and feeling horrible. I have my music really loud.

Note to self:

Healing comes in waves and maybe today the wave hits the rocks.

And that's ok darling, that is ok.

You are still healing. You are still healing.

I made this 2 weeks ago and I think I needed this as a reminder. It is not myself I need to wage war on.

This represents my heart. Slowly but surely the walls are coming down. I discovered a lot of hidden wounds there. And at first I hated them cause they still hurt and I felt extremely ashamed. But now I have decided that I can and will heal and wear my scars with pride. I have a beautiful story of survival to tell.

I just ran into this red table talk about addiction. Very interesting and honest talk

I used to be addicted to both alcohol and drugs too, have been clean for 17 years now. I do drink some alcohol now and then but it is pretty much just social drinking. Right now it has a bit of an attraction so I am trying to be a bit more careful.

This is such a weird day!

Maybe it is because I am so tired but I feel completely hand over to my emotions. They are all over the place and so am I.

It has been a bit of a hard day. I was about to give up when I realised I could not just walk out like that, so I am still here, holding on and pressing through.

Anyways, I am really excited too. My kids are boarding the plane as we speak that is taking them home! They will be here in about 10,5 hours!

I have missed them so very much, I can't wait to hold them in my arms again