Tired!!

Im so tired of fighting this fight.. I've been trying so hard all year and im just so exhausted and done. I had an assessment with a psychiatrist today and told him a little of my childhood but I just feel so ashamed and tainted. I don't want to speak about it because I feel like im tainting others with my memories and im not supposed to talk about it anyway. I just don't get why it happened and why no one cared about me. The 1 person in the world that was supposed to care for me tortured me for years with her physical and emotional abuse and allowed her friend to hurt me and this just makes me feel like they were right and that im worthless. I just do not know how to keep pushing forward!!!