Too much pressure on dating and sex...I need to just work on myself

I need to focus on me. I met a man and ever since then I have been stressed. I have been drinking too much, anxious, depressed, self conscious... All I could think about was "will he like me", "I like him so much", "he is perfect for me", "when will he call me again", "he is not calling because I did/said this", "I am an idiot", "I am ugly, there is no way he is going to like me". I went on a third date and had sex with him.

I told him beforehand that if I have sex to early that I end up feeling a lot of shame and guilt (efffects of childhood sexual abuse). I have now deleted his number and he is no longer talking to me. He is an ass. I am an idiot.

I need to work on myself but I don't think that I will ever be stable enough to be in a relationship. I am 36 years old and really the one thing that I want in life is to feel loved by a man.